Monday, December 14

Abulcasis / Abu al-Qasim al-Zahrawi - father of modern surgery

all my bags are packed. i'm ready to go.
surgery is starting and i am psyched.
yet at the same time i'm scared to death.
and terendak, i'll be seeing you next week.
i'm not truly keen on that but i take it He knows better.
so iA, this will turn out to be O&G-like.

oh, i'm accepting your offer btw. saya pantang dicabar.
my name is sara and i'm breaking this particular habit tonight.

"You with the sad eyes dont be discourage
show me a smile and dont be unhappy
i see your true colours shining through
true colours are beautiful like the rainbow"

Sunday, December 13

what do one-year-olds want for their birthday?

good day.
even greater night.
hopefully things wont come tumbling down anytime soon.

didnt finish paper heart. i find the girl to be mildly annoying and the hybrid documentary to be a tad slow. will probably have another go at it when i find my mood.

the proposal was good. betty white was spectacular as gammy. and sandra b was hilarious. however i cant for the life of me remember what ryan reynolds was like as berg in 2 guys, a girl and a pizza place. those were the pre-alanis, pre-scarlett, pre-sixpack times.

oh also, please, please go watch the mid-season finale (ignore the oxymoron) of glee. the setlist for sectionals was exceptional. and while you're at it, go beg, borrow or steal this:

it has been rapidly gaining playcounts on moi itunes. here's a snippet:

"i gotta fly once, i gotta try once
only can die once, right sir?
get ready for me love cause i'm a comer
i simply gotta march my hearts a drummer
nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade"

Saturday, December 12

mr wade

cause i am hanging

on every word you say and
even if you dont wanna speak tonight
thats alright, alright with me
cause i want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door and
listen to you breathing
that's where i want to be

jason wade will still sound sooo good and delicious singing the bangun pagi gosok gigi song.

p/s: cross love happens from your movie-to-watch list. not good enough.
next up: paperheart

Friday, December 11

not unworthy

the post count is slowly dwindling. i'm a terrible, if not somewhat lacking in attention, blogger.

it was a good and productive holiday on the family front. although some tantrums were had, and many long faces were encountered, we still had loads of fun. and it was good to see us laughing as a family (sans the brother, who is at this moment siamesetwin-ing himself with his girlfriend).

other than that life is going good. done with the one posting i truly didnt one to go through. embarking on one that i am super excited and super scared at the same time. terrified enough to make me browse through the s&s of surgical diseases book. during the holidays.

past week or so, been meeting interesting people that i will definitely be seeing again. things are moving along and we're just going to go with the flow. no pressure, no plans, no expectations. not yet.


"Like anyone would be
i am flattered by your fascination with me
like any hot-blooded woman
i have simply wanted an object to crave"

p/s- if you're looking for a tear-jerker of a movie, go watch my sister's keeper.

Monday, November 23

padang yang berdendeng sedap

it has been quite a couple of weeks. turmoil everywhere. inside. outside. sideways even. but hey, it's almost over. another couple of weeks and i'll be done. and he can't kacau my 1-week break cause i'll be going to Bangkok. i think. :D

for a measly 15% we're struggling like slaves. i'm not caring anymore. now, i'm gonna focus on the finals. i'm gonna lose myself in my notes and books and powerpoint slides. yeah right. but at least that 60% is under my control and not up to those lazy people.

oh btw, i'm liking ted more now. can bays and thomas make him find his wife really soon. although he's cute and all he's getting a bit pathetic.

"forgive me if i'm young
for speaking out of turn
there's someone i've been missing
i think that they could be
the better half of me"

Sunday, November 1

sempena itik getah kecil

'twas a good day after all.
had eja with a side of pizza.(he is so bloody cute la wei).
had chu mei came all the way (great surprise).
got a little rubber ducky (with saliva and all).
had an amazing dinner (that made me gain 600gms).

thanks a lot you guys.

the king bed, fluffy pillows and the luxurious comforter was awesome.
also the high-end rain-shower.
being lost in the middle of the night was so worth it.

thanks you.

everything made up for the disappointments.
shows me who's who and what's what.
definitely a 20th to remember.

"i want to be strong
i want the world to know
there's a part i cant tell
about the dark i know well"

worn out and weary

our matlamat in life is to mengabdikan diri kepada Allah.
yet, these silly little things are bringing me down.

i was ready to accept things.
ready to overlook it all.
but your mannerless and discourteous ways boils my blood.
your empty promises, forgotten agreements.
you make me feel like i am nothing.
at this very moment i hate you.

that's all i want to vent out today. thank you.

"let me feel one more time
what it feels like to be alive
and break these calluses off of me
one more time"

Monday, October 26

puckerman can sing way better than hudson


i've come to realize that
i've been holding on for the wrong reasons.
it's about time i say goodbye.
the prospect of going beyond the horizon is exciting.
daunting too, sure.
but hey no pain, no gain right?

42 days to go

p/s: why must BBN be so bloody hot?

"where it begin, i cant begin to know when
but then i know it's growing strong
who'd believe you'd come along
sweet caroline good times never seem so good
i've been inclined to believe it never would"

Saturday, October 10

so not happening


i wanna be the hero of a movie
wanna be part of a tragic love story
i wanna have a big rockin' feast
want public health to not exist

56 days to go

"without you
the earth turns, the sun burns
the moon glows, the river flows
the mind churns, the heart yearns
life goes on"

Thursday, October 8

so long and thanks for all the fish


two months gone. just like that.
it's only at the end that we are reminded of the beginning.
funny how different things were back then.

thank you to everyone who has made my two-month stay in wards 2a, 2b and L&D a pleasant and fruitful one. for the tunjuk ajar. the teguran. the smiles. the stares. the "who-are-you-guys". the keketatan. the opportunities. the gossips.

i will definitely miss this posting.
more so when i'm knee-deep in public health.

"i know we've had some good times
now they have their own hiding place
i'll be there for you
these 5 words i swear it's true"

Monday, October 5




geli la wey.
kawen je la terus.

it's 0130 and i'm watching lie to me.
i should be studying.
or at the very least sleeping.
all eja's mak ude's fault.
yes, i like to blame others.

"i was roaming around, i was looking down and all i see
you know that i could use somebody
off in the night while you live it up i'm off to sleep
i hope it's gonna make you notice
someone like me"

Saturday, October 3

this is what we've been waiting patiently for....not

o&g is ending.
public health is starting soon.

"the stars are all here
Tina Fey! what a year!
sarah palin did you no wrong
thank God 'boob tube'
rhymes with tony shalhoub
or he wouldnt be in this song"

Saturday, September 26

when it rains, it pours and it shows

songs that i used to listen to over and over and over again three years ago are back on rotation on my pod. it's so funny, cause these familiar tunes transports me back to that time long ago.

to the pizza hut in bangsar.
the midnight movies.
the stalking guys playing futsal from our 3rd floor window.
the first rejection.
the 10-minute walks to class.
the physics lab high up the hill.
the very, very strict chem lab tutor.
the air-conditioned bio lab with dead mice and frogs.
the sleepless nights talking bout girly girly things.
the shared showers.
the surprise celebrations that took a LOT of planning.

i miss those crazy b*fits.

"so if you're wishing on the stars
you gotta go out and get it
don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do
i hope i always, always feel this way"

the shadows i can't run from

a couple of years ago, i would curse at you right about now. but i'm *trying* to be a better person. so i'm just gonna shut my mouth and wait for this very unpleasant feeling to pass.

now i understand why the heart is associated with feelings (even if my expensive medical education tells me that it is only a measly mechanical pump). but at times like this i can actually feel a sort of disturbance in that region. suddenly it feels like there's a huge void, a vacuum where the 4 chambers should be. sigh.. this sucks (no pun intended).

the last time i felt this way, i wrote a lengthy, verbose letter to you detailing every single dissatisfaction i had. but of course i was too much of a coward to show those tear-stained papers to you.

i cant believe i'm back here again.

i need a pick-me-up.

or maybe i need to take up boxing.

or shooting.

"you got something i want
just a little bit
no matter how hard i try to fight it
you're gonna bring this girl to her knees"

Wednesday, September 23

friends, families and farm frenzy

isnt it funny?
that you're the one who walked away
you're the one who said goodbye
you're the one who refused to stay
but now you cant even look her in the eye

you're the one who ended things
you're the one who stopped calling
you suddenly disappear from her life
but she's the one who is moving on

the things they dont speak of
the rumors whispering in the soft
the calenders left unmarked
the song repeats itself in the dark

black pepper, sesame seed and coriander

i find that not having a high expectation is a good way to go about things.
as usual, i wasn't really in the mood for raya.
you see, i'm this weird creature that would rather stay in bed all day with her laptop than go to tok's house and do that mind-numbing yearly routine.
but for the sake of family, i woke up early, put on my new baju kurung and drove the unusually jam-free federal highway to no 27.
and so far, eid has been pretty good. not mind-blowing awesome, but still it went better than expected. hooray for low-standards.

i got to eat some incredible food.
i got to play with little human beings.
i got to catch up with a cousin who's currently undergoing her housemanship.
and of course, i got duit raya! (i need to enjoy this yearly ka-ching while i still can)

"if i had known then that these things happen
would they have happen with you
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna feel alone"

Wednesday, September 16


today was the first time a patient refused my request.
i'm not sure what her problem was.
i only wanted to clerk her.
a few simple questions and we would have been done.
it's not like i'm asking her to give up her unborn child.
the sting of rejection sucks.
but i got my payback.
i got to insert her branula.
* i know. childish. let me be*
thank God jadi k.
doing that small little thing when you know the patient dislikes you is scary.
more so when the MO, HO, nurses and fellow med students are around and expects you to nail it.
pressure wey.
Alhamdulillah all was good.
now all i need is for that twin pregnancy to go to active phase during WW tomorrow.

"i will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom
i will buy you a new car perfect shiny and new
i will buy you that big house way up in the west hills
i will buy you a new life"

Monday, September 14

glee is back

meaning great delight.

i watched glee and it brought me glee.

one gripe:
you guys are going way too fast with the rachel-finn story line though

"but you put on quite a show, really had me going
but now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
that was quite a show, very entertaining"

Sunday, September 13

broken bridge

raya is making itself apparent at an alarmingly quick pace. i'm not sure if i'm even ready to welcome it. everyone's excited. all are preparing with their fancy dresses and scrumptious kuihs. i keep telling myself that it's just another 24 hours that i have to get through.
*is it crazy if i say that i'd much rather spend raya hanging around the LnD then go to my grandpa's house?*
hmmm...mum would never allow it anyway.

well, i'll just have to bring along ten teachers to pass the time. *yeah right* ok fine, i'll pay a visit to digital mall and load me some DVDs.

Ob/Gyn is coming along fine. now on-calls are more about hanging out and chatting with the hos (haha. hoes. haha) rather than doing procedures. i blame it on the lack of females with gravid uterus in the LnD. post 09/09/09, they only trickle in rather than the usual gush we're used to.

the doctors keep reminding us how we're supposed to go have fun now that we're still students. not go on-calling here and there. they keep reminding us of our 'bright' future as housemen. they keep saying 'kalau aku jadi korang, aku da balik da'. that's not very encouraging, no? sigh... now remind me again why i quit that accounting course.

"all my rooms are filled with musty dust
time has taken all that i possess
i never know if to laugh or to scream
to hate or to believe"

Friday, September 4

pakar sakit puan - ramblings

did i mention that i like my current posting?

our mid-posting exam was simpler.
tgk bdk surgery buat bukan main lame.

20 MCQs - T/F and that was it.
i breezed through it.
not that it was easy. just that i didnt know the answer to most of it. so tibai je la.

not many labors nowadays. at least not when we're in the L&D waiting for them.

went on-call in the ward. a different kind of fun. got to take blood *unsuccessful* insert branula *partially successful* VE *bingo baby*. manage to do a little sweeping in between the membrane and the cervix.

other than was the usual grunt work - isi borang mintak blood, clerk patient, etc.

night ward rounds were also fun.
*though some of the patient covered themselves fully with the blanket. cam da passed away je. scary.*

got to see some upbeat patients
*dr u tak lawa la mlm ni x brush your hair. not pretty anymore*dr lembut tu sape? i nak kenalkan kat kwn i*

watched the residents of kampung PP having their pm chit-chat.
*ni kampung pp. wave saje*

learned that contraction timing is the core business of O&G.

found out that GBS is not *glucose blood sugar* but rather Group-B Streptococcus.

"maybe i dont want to take advice from fools
i'll just figure everything is cool
until i here it from you"

Thursday, September 3


my recent allergy to stainless steel is somewhat weird.
today it flared up again. i've red spots on my wrist. it's funny, distracting and intriguing.

today i got another 6 on my presentation. it's troubling that i can't seem to get pass that mark. give me a 7 and i'll float to heaven.

today i saw a baby that didnt cry when it came out. i dont like it. not one bit.

today i can break fast with famous amos. yay!

today i received a present from a friend. my effort of buying you a bottle of attitude extreme was not in vain.

come back in two years with more presents ye..

"we are, we are
the youth of the nation
we are, we are
the youth of the nation"

Monday, August 31


saya sara. saya rasa saya suke obstetric and gynaecology.

i made e mistake of telling my mum this and now she wants me to specialize in this field. but being an O&G specialist is brutal wey. late late calls. busy days. besides what happened to me liking nephrology? argument die: main baby is way more fun than main air kencing. sigh.

da la berkat mak tu sgt penting. her blessings and prayers have gotten me through so much. i cant just say no right? well, at least i have a few years to delay e decision.

"baby let's cruise away from here
don't be confused the way is clear
you're gonna fly away
glad you're going my way"


paintings are pleasing to the eyes.
music soothes the ears.
but words, well, they talk to the heart.

at least yours does to mine.

"he knows that no one can touch him now
he seems so at ease
a strange inner peace
is all that he's feeling somehow"

thanks, but no thanks.

before i started this posting, my reasons for wanting to adopt in the future was different.

i always thought that there were many children out there who are in need of love and guidance. God willing, i wanted to be the person to help them. to shower upon them much needed attention and to help them through this fleeting life and prepare them for the everlasting world.

personally, i dont see a reason for me to introduce another being onto this earth for me to nurture when there are millions of children out there for the taking. unlike others, i'm fine with not having a biological child (but i hold no offense against those who aren't).

now though, i think i'm gonna totally adopt in the future because i've seen the miracle of childbirth. many times over. and no matter how high my pain threshold is, i'm fairly certain that i do not want to go through the agonising process that we affectionately call labour. thanks, but no thanks.

"it's just another manic monday
i wish it was sunday
cause that's my funday
my i-dont-have-to-run day"

Friday, August 28

babies are adorable, yes they are!

saya rase x aci kamu berbuat begini.
but i refrain from saying much.
it's ramadhan after all.
i'm just accepting the things i cant change.
adapting is vital to successfully thrive here.

your words are funny and sensitive. your smiles, addictive.
you're smart and witty. really, it's a pity.
have fun in your version of third year clinicals!

"no i cant forget tomorrow
when i think of all my sorrow
when i had you there
but then i let you go"

Saturday, August 22

dear kawan lama

p.s. kamu yang "i love my mum" comel la.
especially since it was not related to the entry.

sekian. saya mahu tidur sehingga petang esok. heh

"since then it's been a book you read in reverse
so you understand less as the pages turn
or a movie so crass, so awkwardly cast
that even i could be a star"


i did my first V.E. today


kakak tu beranak cepat gile siot. tak sempat nak tgk and identify the mechanism of labour.

"we're made up of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without a fight
i think that you came to soon
you're the honey and the moon
that lights up my life"

Tuesday, August 11


kamu semua boleh blah.

didnt like today. and there is a high probability that i wont like tomorrow either.
saya rindu SCLs.

"how can you connect in an age
where strangers, landlords, lovers
your own blood cells betray
what binds the fabric together
when the raging, shifting winds of change
ber ripping away"

Sunday, August 9


i THINK i like you.
but i KNOW that's not enough.

"my words are seldom for a friend
and if i speak out loud
i would have to change the rules
for speaking's out of bounds
if it's practiced by a fool"

the internetS

ok. this wireless is playing a very cruel and sadistic trick on me. it lets me access the internet only when i'm near it. it being in a fan-less corner of the living room.

ahhhh. technology. how i 'love' thee. especially in times like these.

"put your arms around me
what you feel is what you are
and what you are is beautiful"

that's all (said in miranda priestly's dismissive tone)

i want this day to not end. not because it was so awesome. but because i'd rather tomorrow not come. heh.

another orientation done with. another break gone. and i predict tomorrow's gonna be a long, long day.

at least i can say that i spent the last few days of this VERY SHORT holidays productively. well, sort of.

sigh. i'm feeling very, very indifferent.

"i believe this is heaven
to no one else but me
and i'll defend it
as long as i can be
left here to linger in silence"

Monday, August 3

take me out

it takes a friend whom i have not seen in a year to get me out of the house. i'm such a lazy homebody.

but i found out today that she's my foodie soulmate. we ended up ordering almost the same thing. over and over again. hehe.

thanks fatin for the marc jacobs bracelet. you're such a brand whore (and i like you for that. :p)

serva me, servabote - latin for save me, and i will save you

"cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
cause i'm losing my sight, losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i'm fine"

Friday, July 31

Dear Mr Traveller

I'm sure that in your 35++ years on this earth someone has told you, or maybe you yourself have noticed, that you snore. and you do it in a rather loud manner. so please mr traveller, learn to not sit next to me. that is if we ever get our paths crossed again.

or maybe you should just avoid sleeping out in public. i dont want you to get charged for disturbing the peace*. i'm only looking out for you, mr traveller. that's all.

*Disturbing the peace is a crime generally defined as the unsettling of proper order in a public space through one's actions. This can include creating loud noise by fighting or challenging to fight, disturbing others by loud and unreasonable noise (including loud music or dog barking), or using offensive words or insults likely to incite violence.
via Wikipedia (of course)

"we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
we can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
ain't no thing, i can be lugubrious with you
i got no ifs ands ors no withs or whats about it"

Thursday, July 30

that's what i am

having bookmarked all of the casts' twitters,
having the songs in my itunes (with lyrics, no less),
having witnessed tosh do the 'dont stop' dance sequence,
having watched the pilot projected in the audi during e crucial pre-pro exam period,

i am, undeniably, a..

(gleek {glik} - a glee geek)

"cellophane, mr cellophane
should have been my name
cause you can see right through me
and walk right by me
and never even knoooooooooooooooooooooow"

Sunday, July 19

new lease

the scruffy white 'book is up and running again. finally, one must exclaim in relief, after a full 3-week hiatus. no thanks to the missing power adapter.

now i'm left with no excuses to delay the cleaning up of the 'book's hd. sigh... the thought of sweeping everything under the rug (or in this case into one file), is ever so tempting.

but alas, it's pathetically slow run is too sad to dismiss. hmmm... maybe a software update is adequate enough.

"someone to understand
each little dream in me
someone who would take my hand
and samba through life with me"

Friday, July 17


Hi, my name is sara and i'm an FBaholic.
it has been 40 hrs since my last log-in.

"why dont you sit right down and stay awhile?
we like the same things and i like your style.
i think you're just so pleasant.
i would like you for my own."

Monday, July 13

but then again

facebook has a good sense of humor with its verification phrases.
i was laughing at this one for a while.
until it hit me that this is going to be my future.
that's when i decided that facebook is a dark and twisty place.

x nak kwn fb 2 minit.

"so you find him attractive
so what if he is
you'd like some excitement
the plane goes down
will not land, pilot's dead"

Saturday, July 11


my cousin commented that i look like cyclops. no, not the one eyed one. the one from xmen. aka scott summers.

while scott had oakley to make his stylish sunnies, i got a pair of clunky goggles from 3m. oh, well.

"you dont wanna hurt me
but see how deep the bullet lies
unaware that im tearing you asunder
there's a thunder in our hearts baby"

Thursday, July 9

i am a reformed procrastinator... not

an early morning phone call isn't the best way to start the day. especially if that call comes along with a task as it's side order.

the horse reminded me how my vision will be rather impaired in a couple days. so i'm trying (key word: TRYing) to get the job done asap (or rather stat - practicing my doctor lingo).

doing assigned task so early is so not like me. i feel rather weird. maybe i should just turn off the mac tonight and enjoy slumberland (and blame it all on the drowsy panadol cold&flu).

"i never know if to laugh or to scream
to hate or to believe
your tongue is fire when you speak
but you make me sing"

Tuesday, July 7

he says, she says - #8

"It is not what we carry with us but what we let go that defines who we are."

Det Charlie Crews, my source of Zen,
portrayed by Damien Lewis, a redhead and a British.

"There's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say"

Monday, July 6


life is like a sine graph. like wheels. like a roller coaster ride. like wind waves.

and we're the forced passengers. compelled to ride it out. obligated to hang in there.

these past couple of months have proved this metaphor right. it has been a carnival ride of emotions. from being indifferent to scared to hopeful to crushed to happy to frustrated to unsatisfied to glad to euphoric to indolent to committed to tired to relieved.

but now i think i've hit the plateau. and for once i am not gonna whine. i'm just gonna sit back and enjoy this motionless, stillness, static, stationary, frozen phase. with a handful of chick flicks of course.

"there's only us
there's only this
forget regret or
life is yours to miss"

Saturday, June 27

he says, she says - #7

"Penguins? who needs 'em?
When's the last time you ate penguin, right?"

Rosario Dawson, who plays mimi on Rent, in a PSA for asking people to vote for the environment

she cracks me up every time i see it

"in diapers, report cards
in funeral in births
in 525,600 minutes
how do you figure a last year on earth?
measure in love"

Wednesday, June 24


yes people, whether we ARE ready or not, our clinical postings are coming.

first posting: OnG baby.
so let's dust off our embryology, our reproductive anatomy and physiology and let's play with some random little child's feet.

weeee.... (i say this with enthusiasm. but check back later and see the reality of it all)

"we were the blue in a newborn's eye
and you'll meet a friend along the way
your new life it starts today
it doesnt always work the way you planned it, but it's ok"

Thursday, June 18


i am ready to take that risk.
i am ready for the maybes.
i am willing to give it a shot.
are you?

"i dont do sadness
not just a little bit
dont want any part of it
dont need it in my life.

Friday, June 5

i want a glass of hot chocolate.
with a scoop of macadamia nut ice cream.
bits of marshmallow.
a dollop of whip cream.
and a sprinkle of chocolate shavings.

inilah akibat tengok take home chef pada mlm hari.

"cause everybody knows there's no solution
not everybody gets what they would like
i dont want to be in this place forever
if i try to run, do you think i might find it?"

he says, she says - #6

"He did the dishes."

Amy Adams who plays Amelia Earhart, a female aviation pioneer, on knowing her fiance was the one

"And all shall fade
the flowers of spring
the world and all the sorrow
at the heart of everything"


today i wrote a letter
today i wrote a letter for two
but it ended with "i wish i could say this out loud"
and i watched as the fire burned out

"step by step, heart to heart, left, right, left
we all fall down like toy soldiers
bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
but the battle wages on for toy soldiers"

Saturday, May 30

menapis permukaan meja

kami seperti jakun ketika melawat aquaria di KLCC.
haiwan-haiwan akuatik di sana agak menakjubkan.
terutamanya yang dapat dilihat berenang-renang di dalam akuarium "terowong".
sehinggakan kami melalui "terowong" itu sebanyak 3 kali.
tetapi kehendak sebenar kami melalui pengalaman yang sama untuk kali ke-2 dan ke-3 itu adalah untuk bergambar. hehe.
nasib baiklah rakan kuda saya pandai buat kawan. dapatlah kami mengimejkan pengalaman kami ditempat-tempat strategik.

can you tell how bored i am right now? even after sleeping less than 6 hrs last night, i am unable to sleep early. nocturnal.

hmmm, nocturnal -- nocturia -- dysuria -- haematuria -- heamatoma -- hamartomatous -- peutz- jegher's -- baby jugga -- blooduh --not funneee.

yes, inability to zzz early is so not funny.

"well this is it
i'm running out of space
here's my address
and number just in case"

hmmm... - #4

if silence is consent,
then is doing nothing a sign of approval?

"it's almost like loving. sad as that is
may not be cool, but it's so where i live
i ride on the rush all the hopes all the dreams"

he says, she says - #5

When the pawn hits the conflicts
He thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows
When he goes to the fight
And he’ll win the whole thing
‘fore he enters the ring
There’s no body to batter
When your mind is your might
So, when you go solo
You hold your own hand
And remember that depth
Is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand
Then you know where to land
And if you fall it won’t matter
Cause you’ll know that you’re right

title of Fiona Apple's 1999 studio album, one of the longest album title i've seen/read.

"dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
disebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku"

Tuesday, May 26

hmmm... - #3

the closer it is to a big examination,
the higher the number of interesting books happen to lie -innocently- around the house


who wants to brush up on their public health knowledge and help me research this? Mr Murphy, perhaps?

"not that i'm saying i wouldn't
i wouldn't want to not
wouldn't ever not want to"

kebangkitan musim bunga

instead of studying, i decided to be "cultured" and watch theater.
on my laptop.
which sucks.

but thank God for bootlegs.
for Malaysia would never, ever, ever stage that production in Istana Budaya. Or KLPAC. Or wherever for that matter.

"you can kiss your sorry *gluteal* goodbye
totally --- will they messed you up"
yeah, you know they're gonna try
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah"

p/s: grey's tipu. a&e is the department of boredom.

Sunday, May 24

another reason to want summer over with

i'm not sure how many times i've seen it.

conclusion: lea michele has a pair of powerful lungs.
it's too bad that cory monteith can't keep up.

or maybe i'm biased. i've always preferred listening to solo female vocals. which explains the outnumbered solo male acts in my itunes.

secretly, i think it's related to the fact that i can't sing to save my life.

"just a small town girl
living in a lonely world
she took the midnight train going anywhere"

Tuesday, May 19

he says, she says - #4

PG: are you making fun of me?
CC: it is the universe that makes fun of us all.
DR: why would the universe make fun of us?
CC: maybe it's insecure

Life, the brilliant TV series NBC killed.

"help me leave this corner of the room
i'm reaching out to you
cause i've got things i could talk to you about
and we could be wallflower friends till the end"

Monday, May 18

panegyric on women

"Isn't motherhood a perfect magical miracle? But a miracle that's impossible for men.
And maybe men say they're glad not to give birth, all the pain and blood, but really that's just so much sour grapes. For sure, men can't do anything near as incredible. Upper body strength, abstract thoughts...-any advantages men appear to have are pretty token."

Chuck Palahniuk writing as Victor Mancini, both men.

"Like a scab that won't heal, just another sore
Lost face in the crowd such a lonely bore
you could call me at 10.59 but dont call me at 11
coz that's my rule now"


I used to put in a tiny bit of extra effort to beat you every week. And you too of course. At the back of my mind I was always worried of not being able to. Cause even though it's crazy, I need that moment where I could smile. Be happy for one thing for a change. No matter how childish it was. The feeling of winning my deluded, private game was satisfying.

But now that fire of wanting to prove I'm better has gone. Extinguished. Burned-out.

I guess I've finally given up.

"Accepted" is not quite right, but it's the first word that comes to mind.

"calm down get straight
It's in our eyes it's how we operate
The way that we've been speaking now
I swear that we'd be friends"

Sunday, May 17

he says, she says - #3

"i'd like to come back as a giant Flemish rabbit... fifteen pounds of pure bunny."

Detective Charles "Charlie" Crews on reincarnation

"undaunted, you bathed in hollow cries
a reward for letting nothing under your skin
so help me, i dont know i might
just give the old dark side a try"

hmmm... - #2

if being able to have someone to laugh with means that you're liked

if being able to have someone to scold, remind and nag you means that you're loved

then what is being ignored?

"oh lover, i'm lost
because the road i've chosen beckons me away
and now i'm fighting words i never thought i'd say"

he says, she says - #2

"a larger mandible, more prominent zygomatic, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilea"

Dr Temperance Brennan, PhD. on hotness

"broken hearts hurt
but they make us strong
my war paint is sharpie ink
your thoughts and words are powerful"

he says, she says - #1

"Friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way"


"so much is present inside my present
inside my present so much past
inside my present, inside my past
so, so"

Saturday, May 16

Word of the day - #1

cerebellar pilocytic astrocytoma.

well, i definitely did not see that coming.

"oh no having trouble
finding which way to go
i'm stuck in slo mo
looking on the ground for the love i've found""

hmmm... - #1

if you've tasted the best,
then all that is left is the good(s) and the better(s).

that's not really uplifting, is it?

"but it changed and now it's hard
not to dwell on memories
i know we'll grow
but we'll never bloom again"


i am hungry for blood

a particular fly's blood that is. i wonder if their blood is red, like ours.

when i find something interesting online it hovers near/around the computer, teasing me, taunting me, knowing that i wont have the adequate amount of swiftness to swat it in time. +

but right when i abandon the computer and give that flying little beast my full attention, it'll soar beyond my reach. buzzing around like it's winning this stupid, mundane game that is clearly one-sided and unfair.

i hate it when i have this much hate for something that's smaller than my femoral ring*

"if you're scared and tired of what you're scared of
why should you stay
get up and go
catch the last train
get in some car and drive out again"

*the entrance to the femoral canal, which is the most medial compartment of the femoral sheath (after the femoral artery -most lateral- and the femoral vein -the intermediate compartment). the femoral canal contains efferent lymphatic vessels with a lymph node suspended in areolar CT. the clinical significant of this femoral ring is that people (females are more common) to get a femoral hernia - where part of your GI tract gets herniated out from its normal position. the logical and scientific explanation for the existence of the femoral canal is that it allows the femoral vein (which is immediately lateral to the femoral canal) to expand in order to increase venous return from the leg in times of exercise.

Friday, May 15


reminds me of

not saying the former is a monster, it's just that the protagonist (is there any really in palahniuk's books?) also got shot in the face by a shot gun.

i remembered how i couldn't imagine what one would look like after staring down the wrong end of a shotgun.

now i no longer have to. which is just plain sad.

"I somehow see
what's beautiful in things
that are ephemeral
I'm my only friend, am i?"

Tuesday, May 12


"We are none of us alone.
Even as we exhale, it is inhaled by others.
The light that shines upon me, shines upon my neighbour as well.
In this way, everything is connected to everything else.
In this way, I am connected to my friend
even as i am connected to my enemy.
In this way, there is no difference between me and my friend.
Me and my enemy.
We are none of us alone."

TV, as i've always believed, is awesome.

"i will not let you define
everything i am by the one thing i dont have
i will not be ashamed
of my name anymore"

Sunday, May 10

a little enlightenment

"the responsibility of the enlightened is to enlighten."

in any context.

"cause i've been caught in between
what i wish for and all i need
if i find my own way
then how much will i find?
may God's love be with you, always"

Monday, May 4

miss match

the lack of posts for this year has been widely attributed to my self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder. i've always had that. and probably always will.

but me not blogging is not from the lack of trying i assure you. unfortunately the brain is most creative and active when i'm lying wide awake trying, TRYING to get some zzzs. that's when i come up with the most creative essays, the most interesting issues and the most beautiful poems. too bad it'll never see the light of day for once i wake up the next morning everything is just gone. bye, bye, bye.


in 40 days (according to m11's group account, cause i dont bother counting. not this early anyway), i'll be sitting for my professional exam (the name makes it sound so daunting, no?). it's a hot topic these days. people are dusting off their cobwebbed files, figuring out their gibberish handwriting on little, little notes they once treasured, wikipedia-ing (or as prof rashid likes to say, wrongdiagnosis-ing) all kinds of pathologies. one of these days, their servers are gonna crash, i tell ya.

haih, i wish i wasn't this nonchalant about our pros. it's like spm all over again. the need to study has never been so great, but for me, having peanut crack me up takes precedence. maybe i should learn something from it/he/she and down some nyquil and redbull.

managed to catch 15 minutes of oprah just now. they showed the 99 ballons video and celine and her went all teary eyed much like this cingga here. later after the break, and some much needed freshening of their make-ups, they had matt and ginny on via skype (what is with oprah nowadays? she seems to be skype-ing everything). these two people are amazing. their perspective on life and their story is just, as oprah puts it, "an inspiration to everyone here and around the globe".

i loved it when matt says (in the video), "just so you know, your mum is my hero". c'mon everyone, let's have a collective awwwwwwwwww.

seriously though, i loved that these two people celebrated their son's short life everyday, with photos, videos, cakes and celebrations. ginny went on to say that there would be time for her to be sad later, so she chose to be happy and make the most of it with her son. beautiful, really.

instead of ending this post with an excerpt from a song, like i always do, let's have something different.

"His is a story we cannot explain; so we just tell it.
His short life screamed out truth; and we are left to echo in whispers"
matt mooney

Thursday, April 23

minimize your words

three letters. three periods.


"i could try you with the waltz
i could try you with the blues
just look at me
if only you could see clearly"

Friday, February 20

after midnight

there are so many things i want to say to you.
so many things we have to talk about.
but many others that i'd rather not.
it's been so long, i know it's my fault.
when it's been awhile, it gets hard.
the routine and normal things, they get lost.
they say it's like riding a bike.
once you take the handle and grip it with might.
everything else will come back to light.
but the first steps are always the hardest.
the first leap is fraud with awkwardness.
people go years without crossing a river.
fearing they'll drown or simply be eaten.
it's too unwisely to put their lives in danger.
for something that has not even been proven.
maybe they're right for living their lives safely.
for wanting the things that are familiar.
but sometimes the best things come unexpectedly.
cloaked in a mask of unknown and fear.
just because i never say it out loud.
or because i try to get lost in the crowd.
doesnt mean i've already forgot.
there are times that i try to catch your eye.
there are things that foolishly reminds.
but somehow the smile that was happily etched.
had to give way and quickly be shed.
when i look back i know i'll regret
if in my present i dont try to make it right.
if there is a possibility that we'll overcome.
shouldn't everything that trumps?
it's of course easier said than done.
we know that talk is cheap and words are free.
but when it comes down to it, they dont come.
i know i'm supposed to roll the dice.
i know that when i do, you'll move the train.
one of these days, that's what i'll try.
hopefully it wont all be in vain.

Saturday, January 17

Friday, January 9

to sum malaysia up

today is the 9th. it has been 2 weeks since the start of the post-cease fire attacks.

let's take a look at what news malaysians are updating themselves with.

yes, siti nurhaliza's personal family plans are way more important. that's your typical malaysian in a nutshell.

at least we still have these.

"now i'm towing my car there's a hole in the roof
my possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof

in the paper today tales of war and of waste
but you turn right over to the tv page"