Wednesday, April 30

tag agi

mindmap keluar agame lg lambat dr i telah menggunakan kuasa tagnye. 
saya sara, saya menurut perintah...

currently - atas tilam bersama baju dr pagi tadi *gasp*
playing - dont cry for me argentina - madonna
pending - sleep n isya'!
what's new? - printer, jam and shoes ;p
real name - sara idris
nickname - none ;D
married - insyaAllah
male/female - XX
high school - SIGS
college - PASUM-->USM-->CUCMS!
are you a health freak - as a future doctor, yes?
do you have a crush on someone - "sesungguhnya lelaki yg bermain dgn tulang itu adalah seksi"
do you like yourself - most of the time
first surgery - went to excise a cyst on the wrist under GA. manje..
person u see in the morning - maryam: kejut subuh, faran: kejut mandi
award - anugerah top ten darjah 2. celamak
sports you join in - lets just list down e ones i've played. futsal, foosball, football, pingpong, bowling, netball, baseball, swimming, tennis, basketball
vacation - cant wait for one
drink - milo budak bpharm sediakan. bless them
i'm about to - wudhu', solat, tito
your future - awaits to be lived through
want kids - sudah tentu insan utk mengisi baju purple f tan itu dperlukan
want to get married - iA when the time comes
careers in mind - hopefully not a GP. no offense.

which is better?
lips or eyes - eyes are the windows to the soul
hugs or kisses - depends from whom :p
shorter or taller - tall!!
romantic of spontaneous - romantically spontaneous
sensitive or loud - depends on the situation
troublemaker or hesitant - troublemakers are fun

have you ever?
kissed a stranger - not interested
drank bubbles - e brand or alcohol? either way , no
carbonated drinks - minuman ruji kot
ran away from home - dok 
like someone younger - x. but someone older pnah. like more than 20 years older. haha. tash, are you listening?
broke someone's heart - ntahla
been arrested - x tp kene saman pnah la
cried when someone died - bucketloads bile susan sarandon died in stepmom *sniff*
do you believe in yourself - most o e times
miracles - divine intervention
magic - practice
angels - 10 yg wajib tahu

is there someone who you want to be with right now - yes

"so i chose freedom
running around, trying everything new
but nothing impressed me at all
i never expected it to"

kisah ku di tag-ed

pukulnya sekarang 132. dan saya ngantuk bangat. tetapi nggak mau tidur lagi iya. esok harinya scl you-know-who. and i really dont feel like going. maka ku kan tidur lambat supaya esoknya boleh kata pening kepala iya dong.

enjoy reading moi's answers on this very delicate matter then...

1/if your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
-it's not easy for me to open myself up to ppl and it's pretty difficult for anyone to gain my trust completely. ergo, if that person betray me, it'll be very hard for me to forgive him. bye2 loverville for you. haha

2/ what will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
-be frank. prolly will spend less time with "person" so as to avoid confusion and further complication.

3/ what will your dream wedding be like?
-you'll see one day. insyaAllah, ;p 
nothing fancy really. simple, elegant and tasteful. and def none of this bersanding bullshit.

4/ are you confused as to what lies ahead of you.
-all the effing time.  confused, uncertain, anxious. get me some valium already.

5/ whats your ideal lover like?
-to quote ustaz "kuat pegangan agama, keturunan yang baik-baik, berharta, perawan, subur, pengasih, sekufu". not neccassarily la tapi. there are some criteria that i'll overlook. but there are many i'd like to add.

6/ which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
-loving God and being loved by Him is the best i say. hehe

7/ if the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
-tricky. i'll wait while i still have nothing to do. but dont expect me to be sitting around FOREVER. if someone else comes along...

8/ is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
-yes. can't believe i'm back there again y'know, though of course it was kinda expected.

9/ what do you want most in life?
-to succeed in this world and most importantly in the hereafter. the best anyone could ever hope for. oh, and world peace.

10/ is being tagged fun?
-fun when you;ve nothing better to do (read: when malas nak study)

11/ if you find out that your bestfriend is going out with your bf/gf , how would you react?
- first things first, i dont believe in best friend, ie: the concept of that ONE person who is your ultimate friend, but that's a diff matter. 
i believe that my great friends wouldnt do that to me. they wouldnt dare. haaha. 

12/ who is currently the most important person to you?
-the person in my family that i'm closest to and the one who has gone through and is going through so much. pn khatijah samion.

13/ what kind of person do you think i am?
-words can only describe so much, no? suffice to say that i think highly of you. and eventhough i dont say it often enough (aka not at all) you know i love you. agak touchy di situ ye. nak kleenex.

14/ what is the most unforgettable thing/event in your life?
-my birth? ok, lame. 

15/ if the person you secretly like cannot recognise you, what would you do/ how would you react?
-gi elton john nye car boot sale and accessorize darling. i bet he'll recognize/notice me. in a positive ke negative way tu is a different matter la kan.

16/ would you give your all in a relationship?
-my ALL will only be given when i'm married la dei. 

17/ if you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
-i dont think that'll ever happen. i might be infatuated with 2 people at once. but love is something you work on. so, unless i'm demented, i'm pretty sure i wont cari nahas la. 

"deep in my heart i'm concealing,
things that i'm longing to say,
scared to confess what i'm feeling,
frightened you'll slip away."

Monday, April 28

peter is pretty brilliant

current mood : happy, eventhough i was pranked on BIG time. baboon kamu. 

generally feeling good sbb i went shopping this weekend. lots and lots of fun. i forget sometimes the simple joy of retail therapy. after almost a year of not truly contributing to the business economy, i think i caught myself up last saturday. who says money does not make one happy? and yes people, i am THAT superficial and THAT materialistic. haha. for the time being at least. 

saye di tagged harini. actually, it was last night tp ive no netto in pj. besides, id rather sleep myself crazy when i'm back in an airconned bedroom.

dammit! blogger's cut/paste gle. its almost 4 and now i'm too lazy to buat this tag crap btl2. so, raincheck je la. 

later days. 

"never gonna fall,
i'm never gonna fall, 
for that old trick again"

Monday, April 21


a couple o' days back, a friend i havent talk to in the longest of time texted me. after reading my blog, she was rather worried that i was feeling down and depressed and wanted to let me know that she would always be there if i ever needed a shoulder to cry on. funny ain't it?

well, miss E, not to worry k. i'm all good. 

rereading it, i guess it does have a little somber/emo theme going on, no? but that's really the purpose i have a blog. when i'm happy, usually there are ppl here, with whom i laugh and choke with. but sometimes, when sadness strikes, i'd rather be left alone with my thoughts and the red apple. the kinds of things that goes through my head then is so bizarrely embarrassing that i dont even dare spill here. that's the reason why my entries are so vague. besides mystery is always fun, fun. fun!

sigh.. maryam is sleeping soundly beside me. God knows where her mind has wandered off to. i cant for the life of me feel sleepy. maybe its because i woke up at 12 today. besides, i just had a big meal of KFC and according to wani, i cant sleep for another couple of hours, less i nak perut i kedepan. well hommie, die da kedepan da. so, i x kesah. nak tido gak!

last saturday i had lotsa fun. but now i cant wait for saturday to come again. nak spend spend spend. BIG TIME! i'm happy just thinking about it :D who's up for some retail therapy this saturday?

i just wish sometimes that you'd stop being "that" way. how you treat ppl differently is just blatantly  unfair. you can do better than that. i'm not judging..i'm just saying. and i'm sorry for what happened. i guess i terlalu mengikut kehendak sendiri. selfish to a point. but your response was indeed unnecessary. i might be worse, but at least i dont do things like you. sometimes i wanna shout. sometimes i wanna scream, but i refrain. whatever


other than that, all's good. there are things that could be better, there are things that are perfect the way they are. and then there are things that go way beyond my expectations. it is good to finally be able to report that in general, i'm feeling positive


"you're dancing naked there for me,
you expose all memory,
you make the most of boundary,
you're the ghost of royalty,
imposing love you are the queen and king
combining everything intertwining like a ring
around the finger of a girl
i'm just a singer 
you're the world
all i can BRING you
is the language of a lover"

Wednesday, April 16

me no likey

dont like it. 
dont like this feeling. 
dont like to be dependant. 
dont like it when i get affected easily. 
dont like. 
do not like. 

yes, emo. i know. let me be.

"i walk around this city, alone till its dark,
and if the sadness wont ever go away, 
i suppose i'll build it a home
so it has a nice place to stay"

Thursday, April 3

big "blame me" post it on my forehead

i can accept the blame when it is my fault. i dont think very highly of myself. believe me when i say that i try my hardest not to put myself on a pedestal.

but i cant take it when it's your doing that i get blamed for. you're mad at me because of what you did. what the hell kan?

then, the worst is when someone else nye salah, i get the cold treatment. i get the blame. i have no bloody clue pon ape jadi. tp i suffer because of it.

when it's my fault, i get the blame. when it's your fault i get the blame. when it's the others' fault pon i get the blame. ape cerite beb?

confusion is nothing new, suitcase of memories...

before i let the red apple rest for the night (morning), one more post should be made.
(besides, it is when i'm lying in the dark that my mind gets active and visits places it wouldnt normally do).

i cannot for the life of me, picture myself confessing this to you. not one word about it. because then, it'd just be too weird. too weird. 

am i? or am i not? i myself am confused. i think i am. my actions make me believe i am. but am i really? 

anticipate. enjoy. happy. 

when you board a flight, there are so many things that could go wrong - the fuel tank might leak, the sensors might go haywire, the hydraulics might be shot, the wheels might be blown, the electronics might be wonky, the fuselage might be breached - but you still step off the aerobridge while pushing these "silly little thoughts" out of your mind with great effort. 

but how do you that in real life? real situation? would the reward be as good? at the end of the day would we still reach our destination? would it be worth it?

only God knows what is best for me. so, i put my faith in Him to guide me through the confusing days of life in this world.

"i found, that im bound, 
to wonder down this one way road,
i just want you closer is that alright,
i just want you closer tonight"

let's find a fix to a fix to a fix to a fix to a fix to a problem i cant remember

if i had written this last night, it would've taken a different turn altogether.

they say time heal all wounds, but it will still not make you forget.

when you get wronged -or feel you've been wronged- a glass of ice choc, a long drive, a cup of maggi and nighttime prayers can really calm you down. it's a strange ride, really. to be burning hot one moment then euphorically elated the next. i guess at the end of the day, you can only find solace in that one place. and i'm thankful everyday, that i DO realize that.


they say that when you play with fire, you can get burned.

this coming holidays will present itself at the most appropriate time.

let's see how it goes.

"Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved"