Saturday, September 26

when it rains, it pours and it shows

songs that i used to listen to over and over and over again three years ago are back on rotation on my pod. it's so funny, cause these familiar tunes transports me back to that time long ago.

to the pizza hut in bangsar.
the midnight movies.
the stalking guys playing futsal from our 3rd floor window.
the first rejection.
the 10-minute walks to class.
the physics lab high up the hill.
the very, very strict chem lab tutor.
the air-conditioned bio lab with dead mice and frogs.
the sleepless nights talking bout girly girly things.
the shared showers.
the surprise celebrations that took a LOT of planning.

i miss those crazy b*fits.

"so if you're wishing on the stars
you gotta go out and get it
don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do
i hope i always, always feel this way"

the shadows i can't run from

a couple of years ago, i would curse at you right about now. but i'm *trying* to be a better person. so i'm just gonna shut my mouth and wait for this very unpleasant feeling to pass.

now i understand why the heart is associated with feelings (even if my expensive medical education tells me that it is only a measly mechanical pump). but at times like this i can actually feel a sort of disturbance in that region. suddenly it feels like there's a huge void, a vacuum where the 4 chambers should be. sigh.. this sucks (no pun intended).

the last time i felt this way, i wrote a lengthy, verbose letter to you detailing every single dissatisfaction i had. but of course i was too much of a coward to show those tear-stained papers to you.

i cant believe i'm back here again.

i need a pick-me-up.

or maybe i need to take up boxing.

or shooting.

"you got something i want
just a little bit
no matter how hard i try to fight it
you're gonna bring this girl to her knees"

Wednesday, September 23

friends, families and farm frenzy

isnt it funny?
that you're the one who walked away
you're the one who said goodbye
you're the one who refused to stay
but now you cant even look her in the eye

you're the one who ended things
you're the one who stopped calling
you suddenly disappear from her life
but she's the one who is moving on

the things they dont speak of
the rumors whispering in the soft
the calenders left unmarked
the song repeats itself in the dark

black pepper, sesame seed and coriander

i find that not having a high expectation is a good way to go about things.
as usual, i wasn't really in the mood for raya.
you see, i'm this weird creature that would rather stay in bed all day with her laptop than go to tok's house and do that mind-numbing yearly routine.
but for the sake of family, i woke up early, put on my new baju kurung and drove the unusually jam-free federal highway to no 27.
and so far, eid has been pretty good. not mind-blowing awesome, but still it went better than expected. hooray for low-standards.

i got to eat some incredible food.
i got to play with little human beings.
i got to catch up with a cousin who's currently undergoing her housemanship.
and of course, i got duit raya! (i need to enjoy this yearly ka-ching while i still can)

"if i had known then that these things happen
would they have happen with you
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna feel alone"

Wednesday, September 16


today was the first time a patient refused my request.
i'm not sure what her problem was.
i only wanted to clerk her.
a few simple questions and we would have been done.
it's not like i'm asking her to give up her unborn child.
the sting of rejection sucks.
but i got my payback.
i got to insert her branula.
* i know. childish. let me be*
thank God jadi k.
doing that small little thing when you know the patient dislikes you is scary.
more so when the MO, HO, nurses and fellow med students are around and expects you to nail it.
pressure wey.
Alhamdulillah all was good.
now all i need is for that twin pregnancy to go to active phase during WW tomorrow.

"i will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom
i will buy you a new car perfect shiny and new
i will buy you that big house way up in the west hills
i will buy you a new life"

Monday, September 14

glee is back

meaning great delight.

i watched glee and it brought me glee.

one gripe:
you guys are going way too fast with the rachel-finn story line though

"but you put on quite a show, really had me going
but now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
that was quite a show, very entertaining"

Sunday, September 13

broken bridge

raya is making itself apparent at an alarmingly quick pace. i'm not sure if i'm even ready to welcome it. everyone's excited. all are preparing with their fancy dresses and scrumptious kuihs. i keep telling myself that it's just another 24 hours that i have to get through.
*is it crazy if i say that i'd much rather spend raya hanging around the LnD then go to my grandpa's house?*
hmmm...mum would never allow it anyway.

well, i'll just have to bring along ten teachers to pass the time. *yeah right* ok fine, i'll pay a visit to digital mall and load me some DVDs.

Ob/Gyn is coming along fine. now on-calls are more about hanging out and chatting with the hos (haha. hoes. haha) rather than doing procedures. i blame it on the lack of females with gravid uterus in the LnD. post 09/09/09, they only trickle in rather than the usual gush we're used to.

the doctors keep reminding us how we're supposed to go have fun now that we're still students. not go on-calling here and there. they keep reminding us of our 'bright' future as housemen. they keep saying 'kalau aku jadi korang, aku da balik da'. that's not very encouraging, no? sigh... now remind me again why i quit that accounting course.

"all my rooms are filled with musty dust
time has taken all that i possess
i never know if to laugh or to scream
to hate or to believe"

Friday, September 4

pakar sakit puan - ramblings

did i mention that i like my current posting?

our mid-posting exam was simpler.
tgk bdk surgery buat bukan main lame.

20 MCQs - T/F and that was it.
i breezed through it.
not that it was easy. just that i didnt know the answer to most of it. so tibai je la.

not many labors nowadays. at least not when we're in the L&D waiting for them.

went on-call in the ward. a different kind of fun. got to take blood *unsuccessful* insert branula *partially successful* VE *bingo baby*. manage to do a little sweeping in between the membrane and the cervix.

other than was the usual grunt work - isi borang mintak blood, clerk patient, etc.

night ward rounds were also fun.
*though some of the patient covered themselves fully with the blanket. cam da passed away je. scary.*

got to see some upbeat patients
*dr u tak lawa la mlm ni x brush your hair. not pretty anymore*dr lembut tu sape? i nak kenalkan kat kwn i*

watched the residents of kampung PP having their pm chit-chat.
*ni kampung pp. wave saje*

learned that contraction timing is the core business of O&G.

found out that GBS is not *glucose blood sugar* but rather Group-B Streptococcus.

"maybe i dont want to take advice from fools
i'll just figure everything is cool
until i here it from you"

Thursday, September 3


my recent allergy to stainless steel is somewhat weird.
today it flared up again. i've red spots on my wrist. it's funny, distracting and intriguing.

today i got another 6 on my presentation. it's troubling that i can't seem to get pass that mark. give me a 7 and i'll float to heaven.

today i saw a baby that didnt cry when it came out. i dont like it. not one bit.

today i can break fast with famous amos. yay!

today i received a present from a friend. my effort of buying you a bottle of attitude extreme was not in vain.

come back in two years with more presents ye..

"we are, we are
the youth of the nation
we are, we are
the youth of the nation"