Wednesday, October 29

to: you

what happened to us? and by us, i mean me. we use to have an understanding. we use to be close. but then it all fell apart.

our regular monthly get-together was something i used to look forward to. those relaxing days. how much fun we used to have. now all those memories are buried deep in the corners of my brain.

it all started when i entered this place. i got busy. you made yourself disappeared. showing up only every couple of months. and all that after much persuading on my part. i cant really blame it all on you though. i'm partly at fault too. after all, it takes two to tango.

now i want you here. i want to see you again. but you're refusing to comply. denying me of that one birthright. i thought we had an understanding.

oh, aunt flo, this is me. please come and visit me.


"you stay the course you hold the line
you keep it all together
you're the one true thing i know i can believe in"

Sunday, October 26


choices. a simple 7 letter word that we've grown accustomed to. a word that has always been associated with one's right, democracy and well, just life.

being born in this modern era, we are bombarded with choices from all directions. from the mundane and inconsequential choices - of what we choose to eat and which shampoo we choose to buy - to the life changing ones - from what we choose to major in and who we choose to marry.

being a girl growing up in the 90's, i was told to believe that i can one day become anything i wanted to be, an actress, architect, pr-lady even an astronaut. on the flip side though, could it be that we are served with too many choices that sometimes, we are unable to make one?

and what about the wrong ones that we've made? is it acceptable to base our judgment of another from that one silly mistake that they've made. theoretically, most would say no. but in reality the overwhelming statistics of careers, lives and marriages being destroyed by that one stupid slip would beg to differ.

the saying goes that to err is human, to forgive is divine. to make mistakes and slip up from time to time is part of being in this species. it does not make you special in any way, not even in the least. so just brush yourself up and carry on with life. the world does not stop revolving just because you trip and fell. that's life. and t sucks. if you wanted an easy and unsucky one, then as jerry so eloquently said, be a dog.

people often focus too much on the first part of the saying that they've managed to ignore the second part all together. to be able to accept one's apology after all the bad things that they've done, now that is what sets a person apart from the 7++ billion homo sapiens on this earth. to be able to forgive someone, to let the hard feelings go and just say, hey, life's bigger than this, is just simply... well, divine. not everyone can do this and certainly not anyone can do this. it takes a lot of understanding of how this life works and a lot of faith to be able to brush off the wrongdoings of others. but once you're able to do that, the release of the anger and grudge that has been suppressed so deep within a person feels so good.

but then again, just because we were taught to forgive doesnt mean that the others get a carte blanche to make all the awful choices they want. tabula rasa doesnt happen often no matter how hard the preachers work and how much we ask for forgiveness from others. elisabeth kubler-ross once said,
"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime."

we humans were given the ability, the capacity to rationally choose the choice we deem most beneficial to us and all involved. we are given the oppotunity to love, to hate, to eat, to sleep, to make the most of this life and the life hereafter. so next time think long and hard before you make another choice. think of all the things that can go wrong and factor in the feelings of person(s) involved and take into account the benefits it give us in not only this world, but the everlasting eternity as well.

after all, the old greying headmaster of a secret wizarding school once said, "it is not our talents that define us, it's our choices"

Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to know.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything youve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not"

Monday, October 20


i like the fact that i have two houses that i can run from and run to.
when my needs change, each different house provides for me.
i can even be two separate individuals without the you're-crazy stares thrown at me.
it's convenient, useful and awesome.
generally speaking *salute*generally speaking*end salute*

won't it be nice to always have this kind of luxury?
even when you're old and married, you can have a house where you're a mother and wife.
and at the side you can have another house where you can be your single and fun you.
but that's not the point is it?
you should always want to spend time with the one you love.
or is that too idealistic.

nak IDEAL!!! (not the susu pekat) pls!!

"Maybe you were all faster than me
we gave each other up so easily
these silly little wounds would never mend
i feel so far from where i've been
so i go, and i will not be back here again
i'm gone as the day is fading on white houses"

Saturday, October 4

one more..

.. funny thing for those of you who are following the us presidential election.

"negative are all your vews
so you too can prop up your fake cool
a puppet all the same


..this just made my day.

c'mon people. it's funny. farneeeeeeee.

"Good feeling,
won't you say stay with me just a little longer
It always seems like your leaving,
when I know the other one just a little too well"

eid mubarak to you too

how was yours?

when i was younger i couldn't wait to be older like my brother and sister. and the desire was always stronger when raya came around. i didnt really understand why until last wednesday.

it was the freedom it brought. the freedom to just up and leave in the midst of the nasi minyak and kuih lapis. the freedom to leave the suffocating environment. the freedom to go driving in the midst of kl on hari raya.

my raya was awesome. can't you tell?

one thing i truly hate about raya is how judgemental and superficial people can get. it doesnt matter that you're a world-class surgeon who volunteers in destitute places and adopts 20 orphans while playing your part as a khalifah of the world, as long as you're not with a ring on your finger, not stick thin, not driving the latest benz, you're basically nothing. ape cerite la kan?

i sound like the grinch of raya aidilfitri.
but this has always been the kind of raya for me. now you understand why i dont go all fuzzy and chirpy at the thought of syawal menjelang-ing.

i'm not whining. i'm just saying. there's no use in complaining about things that I can't change. so, i accept raya as it is. just dont expect me to have a "happy and joyous" raya. besides it's only ONE measly day of the year. i can always lock myself in the room with 3 seasons of how i met your mother while waiting for the earth to spin 360 degrees.

"i walk the streets alone
striking out for home
i walk the streets at night
i'm looking for a fight
sometimes what you like is not your fault
cause happy ever after is what you talk"

Thursday, October 2


i've said this before. and here i am saying this again. i need a change.

big one. small one. who cares. i need a change.

and i dont want one of those temporary ones that can only bring temporary highs.


"If I wade into these waters, And they get too deep
If this road gets long, And my load heavy

If my heart gets broken, And I just can't breathe
If I turn back cause, I'm too weary oh

Will you rescue me? Will you rescue me?"