no valium tonight

it's almost 5am. on a weekday. i'm supposed to get up in less than 2 hours. this is crazy isnt it?

besides, this would be my 3rd post in less than 12 hrs. it truly is then.

i'm bored. and everyone's asleep. so all i'm left to do is talk to myself. since, that'd be a tad too weird, i came up with the ingenious idea of talking to the cyberspace. it's not as if anyone's listening, but at least i'll look less crazy. it's all about our image darling.

there's something nagging my mind. dont know what though. i cant sleep. i cant concentrate on esp (yes, i'm still not done. *gasp*). 

like i said, i need a boost. i'm all burned-out. gimme something happy. make me leap. make me laugh till my stomach hurts. make me use my rhizorius. 

i'll hate myself for saying this. but sometimes i wish for something big to happen. good or bad, it doesnt matter. i need to know that there's more than just this monotonous chug of routine i'm living week to week. it's the same thing over and over again. and it's getting old. fast. i'm only living on temporary highs nowadays. especially when i'm here.

i'll assure you that by the time i read this tomorrow, i will not identify the author as myself. something about the stillness of these early hours that makes me extremely melancholy.

"these days we go to waste like wine

that has turned to turpentine

it's 6 am and i'm all messed up

i didnt mean to waste your time

so i'll fall back in line

but i'm warning you we're growing up"

dear self

this is getting out of hand.

what is up with you sara?

it's 3 am. and you're still not done with that english whatever of yours?

you're not even attempting to put any effort in it.

this is disheartening.

saddening.

stop all the other nonsense. 

lagha.

it wont take you more than an hour.

come on.

jentik2 those syaitan away.

suck it in.

but i just dont feel like it.

sigh...

this has been an internal monologue. not meant to be judged. so dont. it's a gentle (maybe not so) self-reminder. sekian.

"this is me before i come undone

this is me before i fall apart

it could've been a month or

it could've been a year 

but i gave up long before

cause i've been tired for days and days"

here we go...AGAIN!

so, here we are again. at the beginning of a new blog. again.

i tried to stay away from blogging. at that time it brought more harm than good. but there's just too many things that i need to say. 

for a while i channeled my thoughts in that purple CUCMS logbook of mine. but then i found it too personal to share things with my mentor. too soon.

i tried to keep it to myself. but the overwhelming need to let it out was not easily ignored.

so, here we are. at that point in life. again.

i should be doing my scls and english assignment. i know.

but faran said better results are achieved under pressure.

so here i am, testing her theory. hoping one day it'd be a law.

keeping with tradition, i'll end every post with an excerpt from a song, relevant or not.

"one day you'll learn,

you'll soon discern its true meaning

an interesting detachment

a listless poem of love sincere

desire, despair

overlapping melodies"