Welcome

excited

2011-09-30T02:06:00.002+08:00

sometimes you just wanna do better, do more. it's innate, it's human nature. iA this will be it. i pray for guidance and help. but mostly i pray for consistency.

need to go back and dust off my files now.

"closing time

you dont have to go home

but you cant stay here

closing time

every new beginning

comes from some other beginning's end"

I wasn't warned

2011-07-25T18:12:00.002+08:00

Refrain from doing things you will/might regret.
You just know it'll come back and bite you in the butt.
Or it'll just appear in your friend's fb friend list.
Now all you can do is hope and pray that you can turn virtually invisible.
Sigh...

wasted

2011-07-08T01:26:00.003+08:00

years of effort went down the drain

it is just such a terrible shame

you can train and train and train

teach new things to your brain

but then your little heart muses

"i can win this masochistic game"

we end up being a bunch of losers

ending up being emotionally maimed

"So i hate you're overrated most revered

and celebrated because you're wasted

But everytime you close a door

and nothing opens in its place, you've wasted"

that's it

2011-06-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

ten years wrapped up in thirty days.

ten seasons in just one month.

there's nothing to look forward to now.

this makes me sad.

at least she got off the plane.

"it's like you're always stuck in second gear

when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month

or even your year

but i'll be there for you

cause you're there for me too"

he says, she says - #unknown

2011-06-12T04:22:00.003+08:00

"Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate."

Pheobe Buffay AKA Regina Phalange,

Masseuse, Singer-songwriter,

and a friend that can never fail to make me laugh

it's 0430 and i'm doing this. i clearly need to sleep now.

"who wants to be riding high

when you'll just crumble back on down

who wants to be right as rain

it's better when something is wrong"

my holiday wish

2011-06-12T03:40:00.002+08:00

I do not want 20th June 2011 to come.

if anyone can make that happen then everything will be super.

did i just say super?

must be the pleasantville movie on the plane.

"and now, in my dreams,

i can feel this way, i can just come clean,

i keep it to myself, i know what it means,

i cant have you, but i have dreams"

i miss you

2011-06-11T00:16:00.002+08:00

i really do.

midnights make me feel blergh

"i find you stunning but you are running me down

my love's too big for you my love

tell me what to do to take away the you

if i was stronger then i would leave this show"

i've truly had enough

2011-02-07T10:52:00.000+08:00

I can't help but wonder..
Do you do that intentionally to annoy me?
Or are you really that selfish?

risk - no it's no longer just a game my friends

2011-01-20T19:08:00.004+08:00

would you risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly?

would you stand on solid ground where there's not much height to fall?

i've chosen. have you?

"to know you is hard: we wonder

to know you all wrong: we were

to the outside: the dead leaves, they're on the lawn

before they died, had trees to hand their hope"

right?

2011-01-19T19:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder...
why do i even bother?

it's not even light out

suddenly you've somewhere to be

i've got a bad feeling

you're going to throw it all away

with no hesitation

whoa son

2011-01-19T15:56:00.004+08:00

as long as i know you'll be there, i'm good.

yang lain tu, well, that's just bonus.

the words get trapped in my mind

i'm sorry if i dont take the time to feel the way i do

and i feel sorry for the losers that will never take the time to say

what's really on their mind instead they just hide away

if you think you've got it bad..

2011-01-16T01:36:00.004+08:00

i had no shoes and i complained
until i met a man who had no feet
that’s really beat

i had no feet and i complained

until i met a man who had no knees

that was his disease
i had no knees and i complained

until i met a man and you know what

he had no butt

i had no butt and i complained about it all

and then i met a man who had no balls

i had no balls and i complained

until i met a man who had no guts

no balls no butt and now no guts

i had no guts and i complained

until i met a man who had no heart

the most important part

i had no heart and i complained

i did not understand

and then i met a man who had no hands

i had no hands and i complained

until i met a man who was a wreck

he had no neck

i had no neck and i complained

until i met a man who had no chin

some folks lose and some folks win

i had no chin and i complained

until i met a man who had no nose

that really blows

i had no nose and i complained

until i met a man who never cries

he had no eyes

i had no eyes and i complained

until i met a man who felt no pain

he had no brain

i had no brain and i complained

until i met a man who had no head

as good as dead

i had no head and i complained

until i met a man who had no hair

there was nothing there
i had no hair and i complained

until i met a man who had no hat

picture that not even a hat

i had no hat and i complained

until i met a man who had no sky

no reason why
i had no sky and i complained

until i met a man who had no stars

no venus or mars and not any stars
i had no stars and i complained

until i met a man who had no god

that’s rather odd

i had no god and I complained

until i met a man who had no faith

nothing just in case

i had no faith and i complained

until i met a man who had no love

nothing to dream of

i had no love and i complained

until i met a man who had no hope

at the end of his rope

i had no hope and i complained

until i met a man who had no luck

that really sucks

i had no luck and i complained
that i had nothing left to lose

and then i met a man who had no shoes.

written by paranoid larry, joe shapiro and neil murphy
performed by the roches

honestly...

2011-01-16T01:21:00.005+08:00

... when it's all said and done, i'd rather not have to see your face again.

but that's not gonna happen in this world though.

"so if you're too school for cool

and you're treated like a fool

so raise your glass if you are wrong

in all the right ways"

i'm no expert but...

2011-01-03T18:55:00.002+08:00

I think this is how it starts...

"maybe then you'll hear the words i've been singing

funny when you're dead how people start listening"

hush-hush

2011-01-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

the things that are not said..
they are the things all around we cart
they are the things closest to the heart
they are the things most often regretted.

sometimes the thing we fear the most
when the lips would no longer be able to hide
would no longer be able to contain
secrets coming out like a rushing tide
like a broken dam
like a broken prison gate
like a broken heart

well at least then the concealed
can at the very last be revealed
basking itself in the light of day
till finally there will be nothing left to say
till finally
i will be free

"All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets." -Cory Doctorow

"baby you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart

baby, you've got the sort of face to start this old heart

baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me

and makes me grow strong and tall and proud then flattens me"

Joshua Evans

2010-12-31T21:41:00.004+08:00

listening to someone talk so passionately about the Quran gave me goosebumps. mashaAllah.

yes, i know it's a bit lengthy but it's a good watch.

it can be an eye opener.

it can be a reminder.

"the best form of da'wah that you can do for this world is very, very simple..the best way to do da'wah is for Muslims to be Muslims. That's it."

oh glorious holidays

2010-12-26T16:15:00.012+08:00

one a day for the past eight days

sunday was a day i kicked it old school with

how was your break? as productive?

sheesh...

"we have fallen down again tonight

in this world it's hard to get it right

everybody, everybody wants to love

everybody, everybody wants to be loved"

of dreams

2010-11-28T07:05:00.003+08:00

dreams are just weird. the people in them. the things done. it's a merry-go-round of weirdness and the ride doesn't stop till you wake up.

i hope that i'll forget last night's. or at least have it not be remembered so vividly. it's troubling.

"if i was stronger then i would tell you no

if i was stronger then i would leave this show

if i was stronger then i would up and go

but here i am and here we go again"

reminder to myself

2010-11-27T22:37:00.002+08:00

dear self,

if you think you've got it bad, imagine being lost at sea for 50 days. surviving on puddles of rainwater, raw fish and bird.

what you're going through is peanuts. pi-nads!

happy 27.11.2010!

"Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

just a cage of rib bones and other various parts

so it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess

and to stop the muscle that makes us confess"

october

2010-10-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

in view of it being a breast cancer awareness month, i've decided to make this pink. yes, you've read correctly. i'm voluntarily making this blog pink.

p/s - personally, i still dont like pink. it's too girly.

for your sake

2010-10-06T20:30:00.003+08:00

please read more into what you read.
research about the topic from other sources.
be critical. be skeptical. scrutinize.
otherwise, you'd be the perfect target.
the gullible naive who would believe anything.
the media's prey.

please do use that 3lbs of neuronal tangle you have in your skull.
put it to good use.

"Everyday is a struggle between what I wanna say
And what I should keep to myself
Everyday is a battle between what I wanna know
And what I don't wanna figure out"

E.M.O

2010-09-23T19:24:00.001+08:00

sometimes i hate that i'm so damn emotional.
it's so easy to blame it on the hormones, no?

to you

2010-09-19T21:55:00.004+08:00

you think you're so good

but you're not

screw you!

*yes, i'm feeling very negative today*

of technology

2010-09-12T21:48:00.005+08:00

dear internet,

you truly are an amazing invention.

we've had plenty of great times together.

and i have to say it's difficult to imagine my life wo you.

but now you're disappointing me.

please stop.

love, sara

"i need another story

something to get off my chest

my life gets kinda boring

need something that i can confess"

not in a good mood

2010-08-28T18:29:00.002+08:00

is it too much to ask that my home be a home.

somewhere i can let my hair down.

a sanctuary from strangers.

but nooooo..

that's just one too many thing to expect.

i couldve said so many things.

but i chose to keep silent.

i decided to be the better person.

i'm so tired of this.

man, i just cant wait to get out of here.

terendak is looking quite pleasing at the moment!

small

2010-08-09T00:29:00.002+08:00

size does not determine significance

tiny things count as much as big ones

like the laughter of children

the ice-cold drink on a hot sunny day

in life, the little things matter too.

it's a sad day when i am ignorant of the blessings of God Almighty.

have a good midnight people.

"what i've got is full stock of thoughts

and dream that scatter

you pull them all together"

happy thursday everybody

2010-07-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, today i had a good day.

browsed books for more than an hour.
bought 6 at the price of 3.
sang my heart out.
ate a sub, a scone, a plate of carbonara and a banana muffin.

it was worth being stuck in the horrendous traffic.

how was your 08/07/2010?

" And i've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, you are the only exception"

pepatah zaman baru

2010-07-07T19:32:00.002+08:00

"orang tamak selalu kenyang"

"orang malu selalu lapar"

*apparently we have too much time on our hands*

"Perfect shadows alive behind us
This is the day i make you mine
I know not long has grown
Well i thank god u came along"

he says, she says - #10, 11, 12

2010-07-05T23:37:00.003+08:00

"I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms."

"When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed cookie monster sings chocolate rain about 1,000 times."

"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday."

Michael Gary Scott,
Regional Manager (Scranton Branch),
Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Inc

"If you were falling, then I would catch you.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am."

Goals (no, not the world cup kind)

2010-06-26T02:14:00.003+08:00

Just as I've set my goals previously
- an MBBS before I'm 25
- a house at 30
- an advance degree before 35
- hajj before 40

I've got my eyes on another.
But personal goals are no longer personal when it involves another.

" O Allah if You know this affair is to be good for me
in relation to my religion, my life and end,
my present and my future,
then decree and facilitate it for me and bless me with it.
But if You know this affair to be detrimental for me
concerning my religion, my life and end,
my present and my future,
then remove it from me and remove me from it
and decree for me what is good
wherever it be and make me satisfied with it."

hiatus

2010-06-25T16:28:00.004+08:00

Now that was a pretty long hiatus.
Not that anyone missed me. Haha

It has been a long two months and a lot has happened.
Weddings of people who matter.
Finishing third year.
Short but meaningful vacations.
It has been a good holiday thus far.

Just one more thing and it would be perfect.
Hoping and praying for a miracle is the worst.

"I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think I'm falling for you"

black

2010-04-13T13:37:00.002+08:00

i've decided that white is too bright a colour.
too happy, too sunshiny.
let's go back to being dark and twisty.

"i like to mean what i say
but it don't always come through
If i say it all again and again
it does'nt make it come true"

don't look back

2010-04-13T13:06:00.003+08:00

Choose inaction.
Don't be a gambler,
nor an entrepreneur,
nor a daredevil.
Why risk the fall,
risk the rejection,
risk the pain?

"Orpheus melted the heart of Pesephone,
but i never had yours
i followed you back to the end of the path,
but i never found the door"

phil-inks

2010-03-30T00:04:00.002+08:00

feelings are pretty much delusions.
that is until they're acknowledged and communicated.
one can regard its existence in a prose, in a joke or even in a stupid blog.

feelings are fleeting.
one morning you can just wake up and the feelings can be gone.
you rub your eyes as you think to yourself maybe those feelings were just a dream.

it is almost a month. why haven't i been able to kick it yet?
it is almost a month. why haven't i been able to act on it?

"and i wonder if i ever cross your mind
for me it happens all the time
it's a quarter after one,
i'm all alone and i need you now"

we are all detarrevo

2010-03-22T21:09:00.005+08:00

when push comes to shove
i'd be shunned out of the pack
the sun and the clouds are all that's left
to see me through these jungle treks
to the winding streams i will go
the mountain peaks i'd conquer
i'll pull through this bad weather
for i'm a determined lone ranger

underneath it

2010-03-19T13:48:00.003+08:00

if that is your choice

i'll be sad

but i won't be crushed

there wont be laughter

but there wont be tears shed either

i'll accept, i'll move on

others have no idea

they don't know

and you probably wont either

May God bless your future endeavors

"i'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows

but if i lose the highs, at least i'm spared the lows

i think i better leave right now

before i fall any deeper"

could it be worse?

2010-03-12T00:42:00.004+08:00

"good night"

being a Gallus domesticus sucks.

"when you feel so tired but you cant sleep

stuck in reverse

but if you never try you'll never know

just what you're worth"

the fear inside

2010-03-11T17:30:00.003+08:00

delusions result from convoluted biochemistry reactions.
so do feelings.

but while delusions can be treated pharmacologically,
feelings can't. unfortunately.

i need opinions.
i need advice.
i need guidance.

i'm two steps away
from loneliness
i'm awake, i'm alive
and i'm feeling incomplete

you should know

2010-03-08T23:33:00.003+08:00

i feel sad when you're sick.
i really do.

so tonight
i'm gonna find a way to make it
without you

he says, she says - #9

2010-02-17T20:13:00.003+08:00

"i'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive,
so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off me,
returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you."

Dr Sheldon Lee Cooper, MSc, PhD,
Theoretical Physicist and a child prodigy with an eidetic memory

"i'm barely making sense for now
i'm faking it till i'm pseudo making it
from scratch begin again but this time i as i
and not as we"

i'd risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly

2010-02-14T23:12:00.004+08:00

it's amazing how much i love you

though i haven't met you

how much i've forgiven

though you haven't wronged me

how much i've sacrificed for you

though you don't know it yet

how much you've affected my life

though you have no clue at all

you better live up to my ridiculously high expectation

"no matter how far you are

no matter how long it takes

and if you have to walk a million miles

i'll wait a million days to see your smile

through distance and time, i'll be waiting"

of children

2010-02-14T18:59:00.004+08:00

sometimes i love them.

sometimes they bug my life.

the inability to love them unconditionally only means that they're not mine. not because i'm a bad person.

"somewhere seems so nice and new

someday dreams they can come true

i'll fly away

oh i'll find my way

to someday soon"

Abulcasis / Abu al-Qasim al-Zahrawi - father of modern surgery

2009-12-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

all my bags are packed. i'm ready to go.
surgery is starting and i am psyched.
yet at the same time i'm scared to death.
and terendak, i'll be seeing you next week.
i'm not truly keen on that but i take it He knows better.
so iA, this will turn out to be O&G-like.

oh, i'm accepting your offer btw. saya pantang dicabar.
my name is sara and i'm breaking this particular habit tonight.

"You with the sad eyes dont be discourage
show me a smile and dont be unhappy
i see your true colours shining through
true colours are beautiful like the rainbow"

what do one-year-olds want for their birthday?

2009-12-13T03:09:00.004+08:00

good day.
even greater night.
hopefully things wont come tumbling down anytime soon.

didnt finish paper heart. i find the girl to be mildly annoying and the hybrid documentary to be a tad slow. will probably have another go at it when i find my mood.

the proposal was good. betty white was spectacular as gammy. and sandra b was hilarious. however i cant for the life of me remember what ryan reynolds was like as berg in 2 guys, a girl and a pizza place. those were the pre-alanis, pre-scarlett, pre-sixpack times.

oh also, please, please go watch the mid-season finale (ignore the oxymoron) of glee. the setlist for sectionals was exceptional. and while you're at it, go beg, borrow or steal this:

it has been rapidly gaining playcounts on moi itunes. here's a snippet:

"i gotta fly once, i gotta try once
only can die once, right sir?
get ready for me love cause i'm a comer
i simply gotta march my hearts a drummer
nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade"

mr wade

2009-12-12T01:41:00.002+08:00

cause i am hanging
on every word you say and
even if you dont wanna speak tonight
thats alright, alright with me
cause i want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door and
listen to you breathing
that's where i want to be
yeah

jason wade will still sound sooo good and delicious singing the bangun pagi gosok gigi song.

p/s: cross love happens from your movie-to-watch list. not good enough.
next up: paperheart

not unworthy

2009-12-11T18:04:00.002+08:00

the post count is slowly dwindling. i'm a terrible, if not somewhat lacking in attention, blogger.

it was a good and productive holiday on the family front. although some tantrums were had, and many long faces were encountered, we still had loads of fun. and it was good to see us laughing as a family (sans the brother, who is at this moment siamesetwin-ing himself with his girlfriend).

other than that life is going good. done with the one posting i truly didnt one to go through. embarking on one that i am super excited and super scared at the same time. terrified enough to make me browse through the s&s of surgical diseases book. during the holidays.

past week or so, been meeting interesting people that i will definitely be seeing again. things are moving along and we're just going to go with the flow. no pressure, no plans, no expectations. not yet.

:D

"Like anyone would be
i am flattered by your fascination with me
like any hot-blooded woman
i have simply wanted an object to crave"

p/s- if you're looking for a tear-jerker of a movie, go watch my sister's keeper.

padang yang berdendeng sedap

2009-11-23T17:27:00.002+08:00

it has been quite a couple of weeks. turmoil everywhere. inside. outside. sideways even. but hey, it's almost over. another couple of weeks and i'll be done. and he can't kacau my 1-week break cause i'll be going to Bangkok. i think. :D

for a measly 15% we're struggling like slaves. i'm not caring anymore. now, i'm gonna focus on the finals. i'm gonna lose myself in my notes and books and powerpoint slides. yeah right. but at least that 60% is under my control and not up to those lazy people.

oh btw, i'm liking ted more now. can bays and thomas make him find his wife really soon. although he's cute and all he's getting a bit pathetic.

"forgive me if i'm young
for speaking out of turn
there's someone i've been missing
i think that they could be
the better half of me"

sempena itik getah kecil

2009-11-01T22:01:00.002+08:00

'twas a good day after all.
had eja with a side of pizza.(he is so bloody cute la wei).
had chu mei came all the way (great surprise).
got a little rubber ducky (with saliva and all).
had an amazing dinner (that made me gain 600gms).

thanks a lot you guys.

the king bed, fluffy pillows and the luxurious comforter was awesome.
also the high-end rain-shower.
being lost in the middle of the night was so worth it.

thanks you.

everything made up for the disappointments.
shows me who's who and what's what.
definitely a 20th to remember.

"i want to be strong
i want the world to know
there's a part i cant tell
about the dark i know well"

worn out and weary

2009-11-01T18:30:00.003+08:00

our matlamat in life is to mengabdikan diri kepada Allah.
yet, these silly little things are bringing me down.

i was ready to accept things.
ready to overlook it all.
but your mannerless and discourteous ways boils my blood.
your empty promises, forgotten agreements.
you make me feel like i am nothing.
at this very moment i hate you.

that's all i want to vent out today. thank you.

"let me feel one more time
what it feels like to be alive
and break these calluses off of me
one more time"

puckerman can sing way better than hudson

2009-10-26T15:59:00.003+08:00

i've come to realize that
i've been holding on for the wrong reasons.
it's about time i say goodbye.
the prospect of going beyond the horizon is exciting.
daunting too, sure.
but hey no pain, no gain right?

42 days to go

p/s: why must BBN be so bloody hot?

"where it begin, i cant begin to know when
but then i know it's growing strong
who'd believe you'd come along
sweet caroline good times never seem so good
i've been inclined to believe it never would"

so not happening

2009-10-10T23:32:00.003+08:00

i wanna be the hero of a movie
wanna be part of a tragic love story
i wanna have a big rockin' feast
want public health to not exist

56 days to go

"without you
the earth turns, the sun burns
the moon glows, the river flows
the mind churns, the heart yearns
life goes on"

so long and thanks for all the fish

2009-10-08T02:32:00.002+08:00

two months gone. just like that.
it's only at the end that we are reminded of the beginning.
funny how different things were back then.

thank you to everyone who has made my two-month stay in wards 2a, 2b and L&D a pleasant and fruitful one. for the tunjuk ajar. the teguran. the smiles. the stares. the "who-are-you-guys". the keketatan. the opportunities. the gossips.

i will definitely miss this posting.
more so when i'm knee-deep in public health.

"i know we've had some good times
now they have their own hiding place
i'll be there for you
these 5 words i swear it's true"

ish

2009-10-05T01:31:00.002+08:00

_________________

geli la wey.
kawen je la terus.
ish.
_________________

it's 0130 and i'm watching lie to me.
i should be studying.
or at the very least sleeping.
haih.
all eja's mak ude's fault.
yes, i like to blame others.
so?

"i was roaming around, i was looking down and all i see
you know that i could use somebody
off in the night while you live it up i'm off to sleep
i hope it's gonna make you notice
someone like me"

this is what we've been waiting patiently for....not

2009-10-03T03:51:00.002+08:00

o&g is ending.
public health is starting soon.
benci.

"the stars are all here
Tina Fey! what a year!
sarah palin did you no wrong
thank God 'boob tube'
rhymes with tony shalhoub
or he wouldnt be in this song"

when it rains, it pours and it shows

2009-09-26T22:46:00.003+08:00

songs that i used to listen to over and over and over again three years ago are back on rotation on my pod. it's so funny, cause these familiar tunes transports me back to that time long ago.

to the pizza hut in bangsar.
the midnight movies.
the stalking guys playing futsal from our 3rd floor window.
the first rejection.
the 10-minute walks to class.
the physics lab high up the hill.
the very, very strict chem lab tutor.
the air-conditioned bio lab with dead mice and frogs.
the sleepless nights talking bout girly girly things.
the shared showers.
the surprise celebrations that took a LOT of planning.

i miss those crazy b*fits.

"so if you're wishing on the stars
you gotta go out and get it
don't let them tell you what you can and cannot do
i hope i always, always feel this way"

the shadows i can't run from

2009-09-26T22:10:00.003+08:00

a couple of years ago, i would curse at you right about now. but i'm *trying* to be a better person. so i'm just gonna shut my mouth and wait for this very unpleasant feeling to pass.

now i understand why the heart is associated with feelings (even if my expensive medical education tells me that it is only a measly mechanical pump). but at times like this i can actually feel a sort of disturbance in that region. suddenly it feels like there's a huge void, a vacuum where the 4 chambers should be. sigh.. this sucks (no pun intended).

the last time i felt this way, i wrote a lengthy, verbose letter to you detailing every single dissatisfaction i had. but of course i was too much of a coward to show those tear-stained papers to you.

i cant believe i'm back here again.

i need a pick-me-up.

or maybe i need to take up boxing.

or shooting.

"you got something i want
just a little bit
no matter how hard i try to fight it
you're gonna bring this girl to her knees"

friends, families and farm frenzy

2009-09-23T03:36:00.002+08:00

isnt it funny?
that you're the one who walked away
you're the one who said goodbye
you're the one who refused to stay
but now you cant even look her in the eye

you're the one who ended things
you're the one who stopped calling
you suddenly disappear from her life
but she's the one who is moving on

the things they dont speak of
the rumors whispering in the soft
the calenders left unmarked
the song repeats itself in the dark

black pepper, sesame seed and coriander

2009-09-23T03:19:00.002+08:00

i find that not having a high expectation is a good way to go about things.
as usual, i wasn't really in the mood for raya.
you see, i'm this weird creature that would rather stay in bed all day with her laptop than go to tok's house and do that mind-numbing yearly routine.
but for the sake of family, i woke up early, put on my new baju kurung and drove the unusually jam-free federal highway to no 27.
and so far, eid has been pretty good. not mind-blowing awesome, but still it went better than expected. hooray for low-standards.

i got to eat some incredible food.
i got to play with little human beings.
i got to catch up with a cousin who's currently undergoing her housemanship.
and of course, i got duit raya! (i need to enjoy this yearly ka-ching while i still can)

"if i had known then that these things happen
would they have happen with you
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna feel alone"

AMVL

2009-09-16T00:47:00.003+08:00

today was the first time a patient refused my request.
i'm not sure what her problem was.
i only wanted to clerk her.
a few simple questions and we would have been done.
it's not like i'm asking her to give up her unborn child.
the sting of rejection sucks.
but i got my payback.
i got to insert her branula.
* i know. childish. let me be*
thank God jadi k.
doing that small little thing when you know the patient dislikes you is scary.
more so when the MO, HO, nurses and fellow med students are around and expects you to nail it.
pressure wey.
Alhamdulillah all was good.
now all i need is for that twin pregnancy to go to active phase during WW tomorrow.

"i will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom
i will buy you a new car perfect shiny and new
i will buy you that big house way up in the west hills
i will buy you a new life"

glee is back

2009-09-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

glee
noun.
meaning great delight.

i watched glee and it brought me glee.

one gripe:
you guys are going way too fast with the rachel-finn story line though

"but you put on quite a show, really had me going
but now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
that was quite a show, very entertaining"

broken bridge

2009-09-13T23:24:00.003+08:00

raya is making itself apparent at an alarmingly quick pace. i'm not sure if i'm even ready to welcome it. everyone's excited. all are preparing with their fancy dresses and scrumptious kuihs. i keep telling myself that it's just another 24 hours that i have to get through.
*is it crazy if i say that i'd much rather spend raya hanging around the LnD then go to my grandpa's house?* hmmm...mum would never allow it anyway.

well, i'll just have to bring along ten teachers to pass the time. *yeah right* ok fine, i'll pay a visit to digital mall and load me some DVDs.

Ob/Gyn is coming along fine. now on-calls are more about hanging out and chatting with the hos (haha. hoes. haha) rather than doing procedures. i blame it on the lack of females with gravid uterus in the LnD. post 09/09/09, they only trickle in rather than the usual gush we're used to.

the doctors keep reminding us how we're supposed to go have fun now that we're still students. not go on-calling here and there. they keep reminding us of our 'bright' future as housemen. they keep saying 'kalau aku jadi korang, aku da balik da'. that's not very encouraging, no? sigh... now remind me again why i quit that accounting course.

"all my rooms are filled with musty dust
time has taken all that i possess
i never know if to laugh or to scream
to hate or to believe"

pakar sakit puan - ramblings

2009-09-04T23:55:00.006+08:00

did i mention that i like my current posting?

our mid-posting exam was simpler.
tgk bdk surgery buat bukan main lame.

20 MCQs - T/F and that was it.
i breezed through it.
not that it was easy. just that i didnt know the answer to most of it. so tibai je la.

not many labors nowadays. at least not when we're in the L&D waiting for them.

went on-call in the ward. a different kind of fun. got to take blood *unsuccessful* insert branula *partially successful* VE *bingo baby*. manage to do a little sweeping in between the membrane and the cervix.

other than was the usual grunt work - isi borang mintak blood, clerk patient, etc.

night ward rounds were also fun.
*though some of the patient covered themselves fully with the blanket. cam da passed away je. scary.*

got to see some upbeat patients
*dr u tak lawa la mlm ni x brush your hair. not pretty anymore*dr lembut tu sape? i nak kenalkan kat kwn i*

watched the residents of kampung PP having their pm chit-chat.
*ni kampung pp. wave saje*

learned that contraction timing is the core business of O&G.

found out that GBS is not *glucose blood sugar* but rather Group-B Streptococcus.

"maybe i dont want to take advice from fools
i'll just figure everything is cool
until i here it from you"

today

2009-09-03T17:56:00.003+08:00

my recent allergy to stainless steel is somewhat weird.
today it flared up again. i've red spots on my wrist. it's funny, distracting and intriguing.

today i got another 6 on my presentation. it's troubling that i can't seem to get pass that mark. give me a 7 and i'll float to heaven.

today i saw a baby that didnt cry when it came out. i dont like it. not one bit.

today i can break fast with famous amos. yay!

today i received a present from a friend. my effort of buying you a bottle of attitude extreme was not in vain.

come back in two years with more presents ye..

"we are, we are
the youth of the nation
we are, we are
the youth of the nation"

owe-ant-gee

2009-08-31T21:33:00.003+08:00

saya sara. saya rasa saya suke obstetric and gynaecology.

i made e mistake of telling my mum this and now she wants me to specialize in this field. but being an O&G specialist is brutal wey. late late calls. busy days. besides what happened to me liking nephrology? argument die: main baby is way more fun than main air kencing. sigh.

da la berkat mak tu sgt penting. her blessings and prayers have gotten me through so much. i cant just say no right? well, at least i have a few years to delay e decision.

"baby let's cruise away from here
don't be confused the way is clear
you're gonna fly away
glad you're going my way"

words

2009-08-31T21:23:00.002+08:00

paintings are pleasing to the eyes.
music soothes the ears.
but words, well, they talk to the heart.

at least yours does to mine.

"he knows that no one can touch him now
he seems so at ease
a strange inner peace
is all that he's feeling somehow"

thanks, but no thanks.

2009-08-31T21:08:00.005+08:00

before i started this posting, my reasons for wanting to adopt in the future was different.

i always thought that there were many children out there who are in need of love and guidance. God willing, i wanted to be the person to help them. to shower upon them much needed attention and to help them through this fleeting life and prepare them for the everlasting world.

personally, i dont see a reason for me to introduce another being onto this earth for me to nurture when there are millions of children out there for the taking. unlike others, i'm fine with not having a biological child (but i hold no offense against those who aren't).

now though, i think i'm gonna totally adopt in the future because i've seen the miracle of childbirth. many times over. and no matter how high my pain threshold is, i'm fairly certain that i do not want to go through the agonising process that we affectionately call labour. thanks, but no thanks.

"it's just another manic monday
i wish it was sunday
cause that's my funday
my i-dont-have-to-run day"

babies are adorable, yes they are!

2009-08-28T00:28:00.002+08:00

saya rase x aci kamu berbuat begini.
but i refrain from saying much.
it's ramadhan after all.
i'm just accepting the things i cant change.
adapting is vital to successfully thrive here.
lalala

your words are funny and sensitive. your smiles, addictive.
you're smart and witty. really, it's a pity.
have fun in your version of third year clinicals!

"no i cant forget tomorrow
when i think of all my sorrow
when i had you there
but then i let you go"

dear kawan lama

2009-08-22T04:30:00.002+08:00

p.s. kamu yang "i love my mum" comel la.
especially since it was not related to the entry.

sekian. saya mahu tidur sehingga petang esok. heh

"since then it's been a book you read in reverse
so you understand less as the pages turn
or a movie so crass, so awkwardly cast
that even i could be a star"

first

2009-08-22T04:21:00.002+08:00

i did my first V.E. today

wohooooo!!!

kakak tu beranak cepat gile siot. tak sempat nak tgk and identify the mechanism of labour.

"we're made up of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without a fight
i think that you came to soon
you're the honey and the moon
that lights up my life"

ho-hum

2009-08-11T00:52:00.003+08:00

kamu semua boleh blah.
muahaha.

didnt like today. and there is a high probability that i wont like tomorrow either.
saya rindu SCLs.

"how can you connect in an age
where strangers, landlords, lovers
your own blood cells betray
what binds the fabric together
when the raging, shifting winds of change
ber ripping away"

letssingit

2009-08-09T21:40:00.003+08:00

i THINK i like you.
but i KNOW that's not enough.

"my words are seldom for a friend
and if i speak out loud
i would have to change the rules
for speaking's out of bounds
if it's practiced by a fool"

the internetS

2009-08-09T21:24:00.003+08:00

ok. this wireless is playing a very cruel and sadistic trick on me. it lets me access the internet only when i'm near it. it being in a fan-less corner of the living room.

ahhhh. technology. how i 'love' thee. especially in times like these.

"put your arms around me
what you feel is what you are
and what you are is beautiful"

that's all (said in miranda priestly's dismissive tone)

2009-08-09T21:10:00.004+08:00

i want this day to not end. not because it was so awesome. but because i'd rather tomorrow not come. heh.

another orientation done with. another break gone. and i predict tomorrow's gonna be a long, long day.

at least i can say that i spent the last few days of this VERY SHORT holidays productively. well, sort of.

sigh. i'm feeling very, very indifferent.

"i believe this is heaven
to no one else but me
and i'll defend it
as long as i can be
left here to linger in silence"

take me out

2009-08-03T23:50:00.003+08:00

it takes a friend whom i have not seen in a year to get me out of the house. i'm such a lazy homebody.

but i found out today that she's my foodie soulmate. we ended up ordering almost the same thing. over and over again. hehe.

thanks fatin for the marc jacobs bracelet. you're such a brand whore (and i like you for that. :p)

serva me, servabote - latin for save me, and i will save you

"cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
cause i'm losing my sight, losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i'm fine"

Dear Mr Traveller

2009-07-31T13:43:00.003+08:00

I'm sure that in your 35++ years on this earth someone has told you, or maybe you yourself have noticed, that you snore. and you do it in a rather loud manner. so please mr traveller, learn to not sit next to me. that is if we ever get our paths crossed again.

or maybe you should just avoid sleeping out in public. i dont want you to get charged for disturbing the peace*. i'm only looking out for you, mr traveller. that's all.

*Disturbing the peace is a crime generally defined as the unsettling of proper order in a public space through one's actions. This can include creating loud noise by fighting or challenging to fight, disturbing others by loud and unreasonable noise (including loud music or dog barking), or using offensive words or insults likely to incite violence.

via Wikipedia (of course)

"we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
we can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
ain't no thing, i can be lugubrious with you
i got no ifs ands ors no withs or whats about it"

that's what i am

2009-07-30T22:39:00.002+08:00

having bookmarked all of the casts' twitters,
having the songs in my itunes (with lyrics, no less),
having witnessed tosh do the 'dont stop' dance sequence,
having watched the pilot projected in the audi during e crucial pre-pro exam period,

i am, undeniably, a..

GLEEk
(gleek {glik} - a glee geek)

"cellophane, mr cellophane
should have been my name
cause you can see right through me
and walk right by me
and never even knoooooooooooooooooooooow"

new lease

2009-07-19T15:14:00.002+08:00

the scruffy white 'book is up and running again. finally, one must exclaim in relief, after a full 3-week hiatus. no thanks to the missing power adapter.

now i'm left with no excuses to delay the cleaning up of the 'book's hd. sigh... the thought of sweeping everything under the rug (or in this case into one file), is ever so tempting.

but alas, it's pathetically slow run is too sad to dismiss. hmmm... maybe a software update is adequate enough.

"someone to understand
each little dream in me
someone who would take my hand
and samba through life with me"

FBA

2009-07-17T18:10:00.002+08:00

Hi, my name is sara and i'm an FBaholic.
it has been 40 hrs since my last log-in.

"why dont you sit right down and stay awhile?
we like the same things and i like your style.
i think you're just so pleasant.
i would like you for my own."

but then again

2009-07-13T01:42:00.004+08:00

facebook has a good sense of humor with its verification phrases.
i was laughing at this one for a while.
until it hit me that this is going to be my future.
that's when i decided that facebook is a dark and twisty place.

x nak kwn fb 2 minit.

"so you find him attractive
so what if he is
you'd like some excitement
the plane goes down
will not land, pilot's dead"

mutant?

2009-07-11T22:12:00.003+08:00

my cousin commented that i look like cyclops. no, not the one eyed one. the one from xmen. aka scott summers.

while scott had oakley to make his stylish sunnies, i got a pair of clunky goggles from 3m. oh, well.

"you dont wanna hurt me
but see how deep the bullet lies
unaware that im tearing you asunder
there's a thunder in our hearts baby"

i am a reformed procrastinator... not

2009-07-09T21:59:00.004+08:00

an early morning phone call isn't the best way to start the day. especially if that call comes along with a task as it's side order.

the horse reminded me how my vision will be rather impaired in a couple days. so i'm trying (key word: TRYing) to get the job done asap (or rather stat - practicing my doctor lingo).

doing assigned task so early is so not like me. i feel rather weird. maybe i should just turn off the mac tonight and enjoy slumberland (and blame it all on the drowsy panadol cold&flu).

"i never know if to laugh or to scream
to hate or to believe
your tongue is fire when you speak
but you make me sing"

he says, she says - #8

2009-07-07T23:24:00.002+08:00

"It is not what we carry with us but what we let go that defines who we are."

Det Charlie Crews, my source of Zen,
portrayed by Damien Lewis, a redhead and a British.

"There's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say"

plateau

2009-07-06T00:12:00.005+08:00

life is like a sine graph. like wheels. like a roller coaster ride. like wind waves.

and we're the forced passengers. compelled to ride it out. obligated to hang in there.

these past couple of months have proved this metaphor right. it has been a carnival ride of emotions. from being indifferent to scared to hopeful to crushed to happy to frustrated to unsatisfied to glad to euphoric to indolent to committed to tired to relieved.

but now i think i've hit the plateau. and for once i am not gonna whine. i'm just gonna sit back and enjoy this motionless, stillness, static, stationary, frozen phase. with a handful of chick flicks of course.

"there's only us
there's only this
forget regret or
life is yours to miss"

he says, she says - #7

2009-06-27T17:59:00.002+08:00

"Penguins? who needs 'em?
When's the last time you ate penguin, right?"

Rosario Dawson, who plays mimi on Rent, in a PSA for tripadvisor.com asking people to vote for the environment

she cracks me up every time i see it

"in diapers, report cards
in funeral in births
in 525,600 minutes
how do you figure a last year on earth?
measure in love"

ob/gyn

2009-06-24T18:50:00.002+08:00

yes people, whether we ARE ready or not, our clinical postings are coming.

first posting: OnG baby.
so let's dust off our embryology, our reproductive anatomy and physiology and let's play with some random little child's feet.

weeee.... (i say this with enthusiasm. but check back later and see the reality of it all)

"we were the blue in a newborn's eye
and you'll meet a friend along the way
your new life it starts today
it doesnt always work the way you planned it, but it's ok"

readiness

2009-06-18T14:53:00.004+08:00

i am ready to take that risk.
i am ready for the maybes.
i am willing to give it a shot.
are you?

"i dont do sadness
not just a little bit
dont want any part of it
dont need it in my life.

2009-06-05T02:07:00.002+08:00

i want a glass of hot chocolate.
with a scoop of macadamia nut ice cream.
bits of marshmallow.
a dollop of whip cream.
and a sprinkle of chocolate shavings.
nyum!

inilah akibat tengok take home chef pada mlm hari.

"cause everybody knows there's no solution
not everybody gets what they would like
i dont want to be in this place forever
if i try to run, do you think i might find it?"

he says, she says - #6

2009-06-05T01:54:00.002+08:00

"He did the dishes."

Amy Adams who plays Amelia Earhart, a female aviation pioneer, on knowing her fiance was the one

"And all shall fade
the flowers of spring
the world and all the sorrow
at the heart of everything"

too-deigh

2009-06-05T01:43:00.003+08:00

today i wrote a letter
today i wrote a letter for two
but it ended with "i wish i could say this out loud"
and i watched as the fire burned out

"step by step, heart to heart, left, right, left
we all fall down like toy soldiers
bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
but the battle wages on for toy soldiers"

menapis permukaan meja

2009-05-30T01:14:00.002+08:00

kami seperti jakun ketika melawat aquaria di KLCC.
haiwan-haiwan akuatik di sana agak menakjubkan.
terutamanya yang dapat dilihat berenang-renang di dalam akuarium "terowong".
sehinggakan kami melalui "terowong" itu sebanyak 3 kali.
tetapi kehendak sebenar kami melalui pengalaman yang sama untuk kali ke-2 dan ke-3 itu adalah untuk bergambar. hehe.
nasib baiklah rakan kuda saya pandai buat kawan. dapatlah kami mengimejkan pengalaman kami ditempat-tempat strategik.

can you tell how bored i am right now? even after sleeping less than 6 hrs last night, i am unable to sleep early. nocturnal.

hmmm, nocturnal -- nocturia -- dysuria -- haematuria -- heamatoma -- hamartomatous -- peutz- jegher's -- baby jugga -- blooduh --not funneee.

yes, inability to zzz early is so not funny.

"well this is it
i'm running out of space
here's my address
and number just in case"

hmmm... - #4

2009-05-30T01:02:00.002+08:00

if silence is consent,
then is doing nothing a sign of approval?

"it's almost like loving. sad as that is
may not be cool, but it's so where i live
i ride on the rush all the hopes all the dreams"

he says, she says - #5

2009-05-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

When the pawn hits the conflicts
He thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows
When he goes to the fight
And he’ll win the whole thing
‘fore he enters the ring
There’s no body to batter
When your mind is your might
So, when you go solo
You hold your own hand
And remember that depth
Is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand
Then you know where to land
And if you fall it won’t matter
Cause you’ll know that you’re right

title of Fiona Apple's 1999 studio album, one of the longest album title i've seen/read.

"dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
disebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku"

hmmm... - #3

2009-05-26T03:47:00.003+08:00

hypothesis:
the closer it is to a big examination,
the higher the number of interesting books happen to lie -innocently- around the house

discussion:
why?

who wants to brush up on their public health knowledge and help me research this? Mr Murphy, perhaps?

"not that i'm saying i wouldn't
i wouldn't want to not
wouldn't ever not want to"

kebangkitan musim bunga

2009-05-26T03:12:00.005+08:00

instead of studying, i decided to be "cultured" and watch theater.
on my laptop.
which sucks.

but thank God for bootlegs.
for Malaysia would never, ever, ever stage that production in Istana Budaya. Or KLPAC. Or wherever for that matter.

"you can kiss your sorry *gluteal* goodbye
totally --- will they messed you up"
yeah, you know they're gonna try
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah"

p/s: grey's tipu. a&e is the department of boredom.

another reason to want summer over with

2009-05-24T22:15:00.002+08:00

i'm not sure how many times i've seen it.

conclusion: lea michele has a pair of powerful lungs.
it's too bad that cory monteith can't keep up.

or maybe i'm biased. i've always preferred listening to solo female vocals. which explains the outnumbered solo male acts in my itunes.

secretly, i think it's related to the fact that i can't sing to save my life.

"just a small town girl
living in a lonely world
she took the midnight train going anywhere"

he says, she says - #4

2009-05-19T13:15:00.003+08:00

PG: are you making fun of me?
CC: it is the universe that makes fun of us all.
DR: why would the universe make fun of us?
CC: maybe it's insecure

Life, the brilliant TV series NBC killed.

"help me leave this corner of the room
i'm reaching out to you
cause i've got things i could talk to you about
and we could be wallflower friends till the end"

panegyric on women

2009-05-18T22:20:00.003+08:00

"Isn't motherhood a perfect magical miracle? But a miracle that's impossible for men.
And maybe men say they're glad not to give birth, all the pain and blood, but really that's just so much sour grapes. For sure, men can't do anything near as incredible. Upper body strength, abstract thoughts...-any advantages men appear to have are pretty token."

Chuck Palahniuk writing as Victor Mancini, both men.

"Like a scab that won't heal, just another sore
Lost face in the crowd such a lonely bore
you could call me at 10.59 but dont call me at 11
coz that's my rule now"

Gone

2009-05-18T01:55:00.003+08:00

I used to put in a tiny bit of extra effort to beat you every week. And you too of course. At the back of my mind I was always worried of not being able to. Cause even though it's crazy, I need that moment where I could smile. Be happy for one thing for a change. No matter how childish it was. The feeling of winning my deluded, private game was satisfying.

But now that fire of wanting to prove I'm better has gone. Extinguished. Burned-out.

I guess I've finally given up.

"Accepted" is not quite right, but it's the first word that comes to mind.

"calm down get straight
It's in our eyes it's how we operate
The way that we've been speaking now
I swear that we'd be friends"

he says, she says - #3

2009-05-17T23:14:00.003+08:00

"i'd like to come back as a giant Flemish rabbit... fifteen pounds of pure bunny."

Detective Charles "Charlie" Crews on reincarnation

"undaunted, you bathed in hollow cries
a reward for letting nothing under your skin
so help me, i dont know i might
just give the old dark side a try"

hmmm... - #2

2009-05-17T23:00:00.002+08:00

if being able to have someone to laugh with means that you're liked

if being able to have someone to scold, remind and nag you means that you're loved

then what is being ignored?

"oh lover, i'm lost
because the road i've chosen beckons me away
and now i'm fighting words i never thought i'd say"